tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43829551145132030572024-03-12T22:13:47.221-04:00Callahan CrewTwo semi grown-up adults living with our two sons, and 3 dogs. Join me for a crazy ride through parenting, renovations, green living, philosophical discussions, and more...Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-22646372884345243992011-03-04T13:30:00.000-05:002011-03-04T13:30:50.648-05:00Preschool, Pushing and TeethThese boys are getting so huge. I can't even believe how tall and full of attitude they are lately. Sometimes I get Tyler dressed and he puts his hands in his pockets and stares at me and I think I should change him in to footie PJ's or something. He's only three and there is so much packed into that LOOK...the slouched, hands in pockets, slightly narrowed eyes look. Where does he get it? Neither Mike nor I are remotely cool like that, but he just exudes this cool confidence. Interesting kid he is. He's all about dancing to music now, and putting his hands on his hips at the end of each performance, thanks to the Old Navy "Ankle Jeans" commercial. He sings into his clenched fist for lack of a better microphone because they currently have no toys. Zero. I even took away their table and chairs. They are on a destructive rampage, and until they can learn to respect what they do have (currently 3 throw pillows, their trampoline cause it was too big to move, a throw blanket, their car ramp, but no cars and the 2 couches) then they won't be earning their toys back. We are on day two of no toys and we'll see if they can earn back a couple cars to play with the car ramp.<br />
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Tyler is doing fabulous at school. He does call his preschool teacher by his EI therapist name, and can't seem to be convinced of anything else. I asked him why her name was Gen and he said, "FUN!"...apparently anyone who is fun, must have the name Gen. My name is not Gen :) While brushing his teeth last night, I found at least 1 new molar, maybe two, but by 8 PM all my alligator wrestling energy is pretty much used up, so I couldn't be sure. Six year molars! That's crazy talk.<br />
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Matthew's chugging toward two with all the steam of Thomas but none of the play nicely with friends morals. He's exuding his own extra special form of personality and I have to say, I'm not super thrilled. Everyone tells me how he's easy going and sweet. He's not. Matty is a complete bully. He really is. He not overly tall for his age, but because of the hypertonia, he's so much stronger than other kids. Now if it was just a matter of him being enthusiastic, and not knowing his own strength, that would be one thing, but grabbing a boy that's 3 inches taller and 1.5 years old by the back collar of his sweatshirt and then dragging him around while he cries? Totally not cool kid. Matty is just a different kid than Tyler. Tyler might take toys and run away, or throw toys, and maybe even a quick smack at another kid, but for the most part, his anger, frustration, and and tendencies toward full on violence are directed at me. Not Matty, Matty will grab a block and smack another kid upside the head with it, then while they stand and cry, he'll push them down and sit on them, and take their toy. He's so far beyond "boy" I want to sit on the floor and cry with the kid. Add that to Matthew's new gift for smiling and smirking at me while in time out and I'm starting to comb the library for new parenting books. I always knew Tyler was a challenge, and much of that is his speech delay, and sensory and behavioral challenges, but it was always directed at ME...which made it okay somehow? At least I didn't have to apologize over and over to the poor parents who make the mistake of bringing their children to play group. <br />
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Today we left play group after the drag by the collar episode. There had already been a bloody lip episode which I'm taking responsibility for being caused by one of my children, but there were no competent verbal witnesses. I love that his mother claimed he must have bit his lip when in reality we all know someone smacked him with something in the face. Anyway, while I packed up our stuff, Matty sat, totally indifferent to the fact he was in time out. When we got home, I told him he was going right up for his nap because we did NOT put hands on friends. He sat on the floor and made almost no attempt to get his shoes off...which he can totally do, but likes to be lazy and ignore me in hopes I will do it. Scatterbrained Tyler had both his off, his jacket off and all of that put away and Matty was still sitting on the floor with a glazed over look on his face, ignoring me. So he went to bed with all of it on. Shoes, jacket, the whole thing. I'm sure I'll have to change his sheets later, but I was going to have a nervous breakdown. How do you make a kid take off their shoes? He makes his hands all floppy, and his ankles like rubber, and in the end, I take off the shoes. If I raise my voice at all, he shrinks away from me like I'm a child abuser and cries. I think it's a classic avoidance technique, but I'm not sure. <br />
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So I figure this is okay, I'll get through. Tyler is improving, Matty will swing the other way and make me crazy, and in the middle of it all, a 2.5 year old, non-English speaking Lily will come home. <br />
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I love my life :)Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-29252929443847794312011-01-19T20:42:00.000-05:002011-01-19T20:42:48.311-05:00Tyler's starting Preschool!Just a quick post to let everyone know that Tyler will start preschool 2 days per week right after his birthday. As soon as he acclimates to the environment they will consider moving him to 4 days...which is what I would really like, and what I think he needs. We're meeting with his teacher here at home on Friday, and I might bring it up to her then about wanting the move to 4 days written into the IEP. I just don't want to get lost in the shuffle of being busy and they never have time to get the update and move to 4 days done for him. <br />
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I'm also going to have to really beg that he goes Tuesday and Thursday because EI wants to pull Matty into playgroup. If Tyler isn't in school, the chances of me being able to take Tyler to HIS playgroup and tell him no, he doesn't go anymore, Matty's going...well...let's just say that wouldn't go well. <br />
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I'm so sad at saying goodbye to our services coordinator. I know she's going to cry...and I'm CERTAINLY going to cry. She's done such amazing things for our family. First with Matty, then with Tyler. She already said she would fight to case manage Lily when she comes home :) Because Lily will not speak English, she will automatically qualify for services. That's nice at least! Our services co-pay for EI tripled though. That kinda sucks. <br />
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So we're all hanging in there. Updates on Lily are on Lily's blog. We're moving along!<br />
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Thanks for reading!Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-52408787796112700772011-01-01T15:51:00.002-05:002011-01-01T15:53:45.067-05:00Happy New Year!Well 2010 ended with a bang when we received a referral from Africa to adopt a 2 year old little girl. See we weren't waiting for a referral, so it was quite a surprise. I'll be blogging on a separate space about our journey to Lily, and I'll release that soon...we're still pulling it together right now.<br /><br /><br />We're moving into 2011 and we'll be busier than ever getting all our paperwork and clearances done both here and in Africa. We hope to bring her home over the summer sometime. <br /><br />Very exciting stuff!Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-21250419573063158322010-12-27T16:13:00.003-05:002010-12-27T16:25:31.410-05:00Happy End of 2010Near the end of pretty much anything I get emotional. We move, I cry, we end a year, I cry...a lot. I know we have so many memories of this past year that are wonderful. Parts of the year were rough no doubt. We found out about Matty's Chairi Malformation, I accepted and moved forward with the fact Tyler would be heading to a special needs classroom for preschool. At the start of this year, Matty wasn't even WALKING. That doesn't seem possible when I look at the overwhelming mobile, intense, active little man that he is now. Tyler was about to turn 2, and barely speaking. Today he climbed up on the bed and said, "What doin' Momma? Wanna go a Y?" (YMCA for swimming) As much as I enjoy the passing of the milestones, and each new phase, I could as easily smile as I could cry when he stands before the big boy potty and proudly pees straight in while smiling up at me in all his glory. I do enjoy each moment as much as I can. I work hard to remember that each passing moment is one I can never get back. Each detail and funny phrase or look will someday be missed even if right now it borders on fresh or a little sassy mouthed. I love their humor, their independence, and the self esteem that never falters. At the end of this year, over all, I am very proud. I am proud of myself and my husband. I'm proud of the toddlers we're raising into confident, humorous, sensitive, and caring young boys. I wish it would go slower, but it doesn't. I wish I could remember every SINGLE detail, but I know I can't. I could spend hours recording the little things I know that time will make me forget. Instead, I cozy up with my boys and enjoy watching them master eating ice cream with a spoon, or work their Dad over for a bite of chocolate. I love these days when there is nothing but time to enjoy my kids. Here's to 2011...365 more days laid out before me to watch my children, and my love for them...grow.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-68164716424733444172010-12-10T13:20:00.005-05:002010-12-10T16:58:20.871-05:00Reckoning Day...So you didn't all think I'd post that bomb of a blog two posts ago and never go back to it did you? Of course not! <br /><br />Let me first say, I'm calmer now...a lot calmer, but still emotional. I want to thank the people who did send me e-mails in support, and tell the few people who tried to criticize anonymously...that's weak. I'm right here, I'm right out in the open, saying what I'm saying. I use my name, my kids names, and I link to this blog from other sites where people know me very well. If you don't feel strongly enough about something stand up and put your name next to it, don't say it. That's weak. <br /><br />Next let me say the field seemed pretty split on this one. I got a few comments from adoptive mothers who didn't care for what I said, and I got a few comments from birth mother who didn't like what I said. I clearly didn't get comments from everyone who read the blog, but there MUST have been talk about it out there because the blog counts spiked through the roof. Regardless of how you ended up there, thanks for reading. Thanks for commenting, even if you didn't agree, and thanks for letting me know you supported me when you did. <br /><br />Second, I want to assure all of you that <span style="font-style:italic;">know</span> exactly why I posted this that <span style="font-weight:bold;">you don't know</span>. This has maybe a LITTLE to do with what you think it does, and much to do with things that I have shared with almost no one. (Although a few of the people who did stop to make contact with me about this post did get a small preview when I responded) This is <span style="font-weight:bold;">my blog</span>, and I'm allowed to feel how I feel, based on <span style="font-weight:bold;">my life</span>. So that's what I do. I'm not required to write here WHY I feel that way. Why I feel that way is to personal for even here. Maybe if *I* was anonymous I could write that all out. What I did expect was for the people that read here that do know me to understand there was a reason why I feel this way. Believe it had nearly ZERO to do with what anyone on-line said. So if you're patting yourself on the back, thinking you know me well enough to know exactly what this is about, and then you are judging me,<span style="font-weight:bold;"> you don't know me</span>. You should know me well enough to know that I have reasons. I'm a patient and kind person. If you know that and believe it, then you know what it took for me to write that blog, and that I didn't get that worked up about what people that I don't know said on-line. That's all I'll say about that, and if you followed all the knows and don't knows in that paragraph, you get a gold star.<br /><br />I will address the "all inclusive" nature of my post. THAT WAS A JOKE PEOPLE! I thought those of you that think you "know" me would get that. It's just about my trademark line isn't it? I don't like all inclusive phrases? People should learn to use a qualifier or two like some or many? One of my hugest pet peeves is being all included in ANY group, but especially in a group that gets a bad rap. Adoptive parents get a bad rap. We never provide updates, we go against our agreements, we're coercive, and we're conniving, we don't care about birth parents, we only want to steal babies. It's all inclusive, all day when it comes to describing adoptive parents and that never seems to change. So I did that the other way...again, if you KNOW me, you get that I was not talking about every birth parent that has walked the face of the earth here in that blog post. I'm not even sure I was talking about MANY birth parents, but I sure the hell was talking about some of them. <br /><br />Next if you have an issue with what I write, why don't you try addressing it HERE...with me, instead of running to another group of people who will pat you on the back and tell you there there? Nothing was ever solved from only talking to people who agree with you. You can comment on any of my posts and give me a way to contact you. All comments come to me first for approval, so your contact information will not be public. Next time, feel free to message me. You might just get to know me. Thanks again to all the people who did. I didn't post a lot of your comments, but they were truly appreciated.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-64167504930846908372010-11-28T19:23:00.003-05:002010-11-28T19:47:17.703-05:00Catching up on me...As with most parents, we seem to get lost in our children. We forget to take care of Momma. Momma makes the house "go" and a broken Momma isn't good for anyone. So here is a little post about how I've started taking care of Momma. First I decided that I did need to do some elimination dieting. I realized that yes, it was a PIA. Yes, it was more expensive on the food budget, but YES, it was what I needed. The bottom line for me was that if any one else in my household needed an elimination diet on even the small chance it might help them with something...even something minor, I would do it...so why wasn't I doing it for me? Why wasn't I doing it when I knew it had the potential to help my significant chronic illness in a major way? So I'm doing it. I started Oct 17th and I'm pleased to report that I've followed a very strict Gluten Free diet, with a slightly less strict, but still "eliminated" Dairy Free and Sugar Free Diet. I practiced that till the day before Thanksgiving when my name came up on the waiting list at the "local" (hour away) Functional Medicine Dr, and I was able to get in with him. He also eliminated Corn from my diet and asked me to consider Soy as well. I'm considering soy, and finishing all the corn containing, but otherwise gluten free items I have in short order that I might also eat Corn Free. He talked with me a lot. He made a lot of sense, and I liked his thought process and patient relationship process a lot. He started me on a pro-biotic, some liquid supplements, and some medical food. Medical food supplements taste like chalk. They say on the outside that that "shake mix" is flavored like Chocolate Orange, but it's really Chalk flavored. I'm currently slurping down a large shake that is has fruit smoothie mix, blueberries, tart cherry juice, and a big scoop of chalk. Now I'm stuck with a large glass of chalk to drink because I mixed it with so many things it made a huge glass. This is expensive chalk though, so I'm drinking it, but I won't make this mistake again.<br /><br />Over all...I'm feeling better. I've made some progress in coming of some pain meds, and immune modification drugs. I no longer take injectable medications, or Vicoden. I have reduced my Tylenol to 1X per day instead of twice. I'm back down to 5MG of Prednisone instead of 40. I'm going to stick to this for the next month until I see him again, and then we'll talk about coming off the Prednisone and maybe reducing some of Advil doses. I'm still sore in the AM, and in the evening as I get ready for bed. Warm baths and showers help. I want to get off all this junk, but more importantly, I wanted to find a Doctor who believed I could get better. He really does. He said so many things that were spot on about my medical history starting when I was very young...all things I had not mentioned in my medical history. Quite amazing. <br /><br />My immune system did not become this damaged overnight. It will not repair overnight either. We may have a long road in pin pointing all the things that are preventing my immune system from functioning correctly, but we will. I can walk a long road if I see a light at the end, and I have a light. <br /><br />I'll update you all when I think of it, but send me a message if you have any questions.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-6651538747205159872010-11-19T16:12:00.007-05:002010-11-19T16:57:17.578-05:00I can't possibly understand...This might become one hell of a blog post. If you're overly sensitive about adoption issues...I really just suggest you skip it. My blog...my rant.<br /><br />I'm know a lot of people in the adoption world. A lot of adoptive parents, a lot of adoptees and a lot of birth parents. One thing that I read over and over, and it just burns the hair off my butt is how adoptive parents can just never know what it's like to be a birth parent. How we can never know or understand their pain. You know what...they're right. I don't understand who, what or why they made the choices they made. I don't understand that at all. What I <span style="font-weight:bold;">DO</span> understand is as follows:<br /><br />I understand what it's like to be a Mom. I know what it's like to lay in the dark, so in love with my children that I'm near panic attacks that something will ever happen and they won't be with me.<br /><br />I understand that I would lay on a railroad track with an oncoming train if that's what it took to provide for my children. I know without a doubt I would research every avenue, event, and illegal activity I could possibly do if that's what it took to be with my children. I know I would eat beans and rice and drink water if that's what it took to put some food on their plate.<br /><br />I know the hardships of being a mother. I know the challenges. Believe I know the tough times. We are not wealthy. We basically live pay check to pay check with plenty of debt in there just like the rest of America. I know what I'm willing to do just so I can bring at least one more child into our home. I know what I'll give up, and the the things I'm willing to let my other children sacrifice so we have the funds to bring another child home.<br /><br />I know the joys of motherhood. I know them like a drug addict might know their drug of choice. I know I need my daily hit of my children. Their laughter, their fun, their spaz out sessions where nothing goes right. I need them.<br /><br />So they are right. I do not understand what could happen in my life that I would ever place a child for adoption...not when I know what my children bring to my life. The majority of birth mothers are not young innocent women with their first pregnancy. They are mothers already. They are parents who know what raising a child takes. They make the choices they make because they do not wish to parent again, and they are right...I 100% do not understand that. Being a mother means they also know they have options, resources and assistance they can lean on. Being a mother means they also know what being a mother feels like. In giving up the hard parts, they are saying the amazing moments aren't worth it. That they can't find a way to do it. That is very sad. I do not understand that. I never could.<br /><br />I also understand this. When an expectant mother is at a cross roads with a pregnancy, weighing each of her options carefully. Parenting, Abortion, Adoption. An unplanned pregnancy did not PUT her at those cross roads. That's a fact. Her life was not sunshine and roses and an unplanned pregnancy was this explosion that put her into a downward spiral. That pregnancy did not all the sudden make her wonderful loving supportive family 100% disappear. That pregnancy did not suddenly make a perfectly happy, stable life so out of whack there was no way to parent. That life was already in the downward spiral. That life was already unstable. The pregnancy and placement didn't do that.<br /><br />Birth mothers need to get counseling not just for the fact that they placed a child, but also for the fact that their life was in a place that they felt that was best. That pregnancy was not a rock out of know where that knocked her otherwise perfect life off course. Something that she had no idea could happen. Unplanned is a great phrase, but when we're realistic, lack of planning was what really caused the pregnancy. Birth Control is wonderfully reliable. In the end, I'm sure placing a child is very hard, and very emotional, but the anger toward adoptive parents, and adoption agencies and the lashing out about how we can never understand is entirely misplaced. What should really be addressed is what the heck happened in their life that they made that choice. What led them to a place where they ended up with a a pregnancy they had no support for? Why were they emotionally in a place where parenting did not seem do-able? I think it's easier to blame other people. To wallow in your feeling about what happened when in reality, what happened is only a symptom of what was going on in that life. <span style="font-style:italic;">Look at the life, not the sympt</span>om.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-31034079643622794712010-11-12T15:38:00.005-05:002010-11-12T15:55:12.867-05:00Preschool AssessmentToday was Ty's assessment for special needs preschool. The first 20 minutes while various teachers are playing with Ty and I'm talking with the lead teacher about the program and she tells me over and over about how we won't have any answers today and it needs to be a team meeting with the school psychologist etc (doesn't happen till Jan) until we know if he qualifies etc. By the end of 1.25 hours she's saying. "I don't see any reason why he wouldn't qualify." Well no shit. Sing your tune lady. I think it's pretty easy to see after you are around Ty and I for a while that Ty has needs. I'm not an indulgent mother who never disciplines her kids, and waits on them hand and foot so they don't talk and have tantrums. I DO indulge, but I will lower the boom when I have to. Yes, I will take playdoh away when he's eating it. (she asked that...like I'm an idiot and just let him sit and eat a can of playdoh?) It however is hard to take the entire outside away from him (and Matty) when he's eating dirt. You know? He's an awesome kid. I can tell you his strengths and his quirks and his NEEDS. I can talk your sensory talk, and your "preferred activity" lingo because I don't do this as "a" job. I walk this road everyday lady. But she was nice. Really. She was clearly a great teacher and she realized pretty quick I knew what I wanted and what Tyler needed. By the end our EI therapist (who I invited to advocate for Tyler) was telling her how blessed a complex kid like Tyler was to have me as a mother, and I was bawling. I hate that. I hate it when others think I'm a saint for doing it. I don't do it for them, or anyone else, or care for one second if they think Tyler's life is so "full" because I'm his mom and I enrich his life in every way I can...of course I do that. I think it makes me cry because I want to believe that EVERY mother does that. I don't feel like I do enough, and I want to believe I'm the norm, not the amazing exception. Take your special needs kids to the playground. To me that isn't rocket science. It's not easy, but he's a kid. I don't care if he eats the mulch and everyone stares...he needs to go on the damn swings just like every other kid. <br /><br />So Ty should start preschool in January right after his birthday. The people seem nice, but I'm just not sure what we'll do with ourselves while he's in school. We'll have no EI appointments? Crazy thought. Maybe Matty and I will just do a lot of grocery shopping.<br /><br />They did however say how cute he was a million times, tell me that he had the most beautiful eyelashes ever, and say how they wanted to put him in their pocket. Our EI therapist laughed and said, "He sure is cute...I'm not sure on the pocket thing though. Maybe sometimes." and I added, "Yeah until he turns into the Tasmanian Devil." Judging Tyler by his eyelashes is about as smart as trusting him with a bucket of cookies because he tells you it's OK.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-37411343717263600502010-11-05T10:46:00.006-04:002010-11-05T11:21:07.387-04:00Adoption ResolutionsNovember is National Adoption Month. This month there will be abundance of blog posts about adoption facts, and etiquette, what not to say to adoptive parents. Happens every year, all this readily available education and yet, people are still dumb. They are ignorant and rude. They care only about satisfying their own curiosity on how my family came to be. I'm thankful that my children are still too small to understand, but I know that in a matter of years I'll not only be talking with my children about their adoption story, but about how the stupidity of others impacts them. Not only will there be questions about how they are adopted, how they are black with white parents and where they are from, but there will be the all important questions about their "real" Mom and Dad (or just Mom and Dad, but not referring to Mike and I), the questions about how much they cost, why their "Mom" gave them away, and if/when she is able to come back and take them from us. Yes, people are dumb. I've found too many people to talk first and think much, much later, if at all about the feelings of the children and people involved in the personal questions they ask. So this November, I invite adoptive parents everywhere to make their Adoption Resolutions. Here are mine:<br /><br />My sons are brothers. (Period)<br />My sons are MY sons. I am right here, I have not given them away. I don't need to come back because I'm already here. (Period, I will not engage these people to teach them proper adoption language.)<br />I am real. My husband Mike? Also real.<br />I did not pay for my children. Paying for children is illegal. <br />My children are black and I am white. This happened because God makes people who are all different colors, not just one color.<br /><br />Finally and most important, I WILL say calmly and sanely: "I do not discuss the details of my children's adoption with anyone but our close family. There is a lot of adoption information on-line if you are interested in researching adoption."<br /><br />Lastly, these answers are OK. They do not mean I am not proud of my sons, or their adoption and their story. They do not mean that I hide from the truth. They mean I have respect for my family, our story and how we share it. They mean that I can acknowledge that it is not *MY* job to educate everyone. My <span style="font-style:italic;">only</span> job is my children. They will come first. Until they tell me otherwise, I will respect their privacy and that includes their story. It is not mine. It is theirs.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-69319477964179211772010-11-01T23:47:00.003-04:002010-11-01T23:55:59.320-04:00Funny for today...My kids have become major Sesame Street fans all the sudden. They have Elmo's name down, and "Cookie" (nohm, nohm! Cookie!), and Ernie. The rest...not so much. We have a giant coloring book that we use almost every day that has all the characters on the front and before we start, they always name the ones they know, and then I help with the ones they don't. Like most kids, they don't really care about the actual reality of the situation, and things they can't say yet, so they have started assigning names to the other people of things they can say. Zoe is of course "star" because she wears jewelry with stars on them. Big Bird is just "bid" (bird in Tyler speak). Oscar the grouch? Well they have named him Momma. It's partially MY fault in that Matty was pointing to him asking me "Momma? Momma?" wanting to know his name, and I burst out laughing saying, "His name is NOT Momma! That's Oscar and he stinks and is grouchy!" So then of course Tyler had to point to him and say, "MOMMA! Momma ewwwww! Yucky!" and laughed. Repeat 100 times between the two of them. It stuck. I am now Oscar the Grouch. Hysterical.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-78630567080112799602010-10-29T13:51:00.003-04:002010-10-29T14:04:31.398-04:00TGIF...Here's to the end of a fairly productive week. <br /><br />I made a winter jacket for Tyler out of a wool sweater and matching hat. Then the next day, I found a pattern to do exactly that after I had spent the whole previous day winging a pattern. It came out cute but a little small. I have another really heavy wool sweater that I'll make the next one out of now that I really know how much extra room you need to leave. The finished one needs buttons or snaps still, so hopefully I'll get to that this weekend.<br /><br />I did laundry. Yes, that IS an accomplishment. It kept me fairly caught up on a task that I have an on again off again relationship with. Usually off. <br /><br />I made a burp cloth for my new niece Aaliyah. It has two apples embroidered on it and says "A is for APPLE" under that. <br /><br />We used up our leftovers! This is always a major event when we aren't throwing away our leftovers. We didn't eat out at all this week! <br /><br />I used some cloth diapers. I can pretty easily say we are Part-time cloth diapering now. I wash about a load of them every couple days, so we're using some at least. Anything is better than full time sposies!<br /><br />I stuck to this diet more or less. I would guess that for the last 17 days I have been about 98% successful with Gluten free, and maybe 75% successful with sugar free, and then somewhere in between those numbers with the Dairy. I think the big part of the dairy is milk for me. I am really enjoying my soy milk though, and I'm totally hooked on these gluten free bagels I found...but they have milk powder in them. Might have to find another kind. I can really feel my swelling diminishing, and I've been able to cut back on my pain medication and immune suppressant injections as well. <br /><br />What I didn't get done: <br />I need to go through all the clothes in the upstairs bedrooms and bring the totes down to store on our new shelves in the garage. When those rooms are cleared out, I need to reorganize them and get some storage for the boys toys that are up there. Big Brother, Big Sister is coming Nov 19th.<br /><br />I did not clean out the cabinets over the TV so we could more the components up there. Right now the components are in the cabinets under the TV, but those are cabinets the boys can reach, so I'd rather put their stuff in there if we can.<br /><br />I did not go to the Social Security Office to apply for Matty's SS#. I need to do that soon, and I need to get all the rest of his paperwork to our local adoption agency so they can close out his file. Then next time we adopt they will have all his paperwork and it will be that much easier to update our home study.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-56488561968323049982010-10-28T15:26:00.004-04:002010-10-29T13:22:12.019-04:00I never imagined what would matter...Ever since I met Mike we've always played this little game. Did you ever imagine? and insert little things that our "growing up" self never would have imagined, or wished for, but which in the end, are a dream come true. One of my favorites was while I was taking a bath with a little baby Tyler and asked Mike if he could dump in more olive oil. He carted out the big jug of olive oil and stood beside the tub and said, "How much? A couple of glugs?" That was certainly a "we never imagined" moment. Another would be when we "lube" the kiddos up after baths now, we use coconut oil. They LOVE it, and it's good for them, so they eat it while we spread it all over their hair and body. It's gotten a little extreme though where we have to basically battle with their little greased down bodies to get the bucket of coconut oil away from them. We have frequent discussions about not eating too much "yummy" because it needs to go on your tummy too! Never imagined that. Love it though.<br /><br />I never imagined the gut wrenching nausea that could grip me at the thought of not having these two. Of losing them, or of them somehow finding their way to another persons home instead of ours when they were babies. It's like PTSD for an event that never even happened. On Oprah the other day there was a family on. More correctly just a mother and father. The mother was hit from behind by an 18 wheeler and all 3 of their children were killed. I sat there dumbfounded, crying, trying to shake the remote the right way so I could change the channel. I couldn't even watch. I know these bad things happen, but I just couldn't even process their palpable grief. They said the only thing that got them through was a pact they made with each other that when they would lay down at night, neither one would sneak off and kill themselves. That is about what it would take. I could get through for Mike, but if he didn't make me...I'm not sure. It's amazing how these little people come into our hearts, they push all our buttons, they make us rip our hair out and wish we could pluck off all our own eyebrows hair by hair, but in the next breath the very thought of trying to live without them...it's unthinkable. <br /><br />Like many mothers and fathers out there, I'm sure that no one could love their children with the intensity that I love mine. No one. Just like every other parent that feels just like me. But rationally I know that other parents love their kids in the same all consuming I love mine. So I just put this out there, because I actually let this thought pass my head about once or a 100 times a day. When you are ready to yell, ready to put them in TO, ready to...whatever. Does it MATTER? Does it really matter, or does it only matter right now? <br /><br />The boys like to help Mike make dinner. I think this is excellent training for them on how men do a lot of domestic work. While Mike makes dinner, they will typically wash a dish or a cup. For the entire 30 or more minutes. One item. The other night Mike (after a long day at work) had enough and told them they needed to shut the water off. I (yelling from the living room, because I wasn't about to get off the couch...wheel of fortune was on) said, "Why? It won't be long till you miss the times when they would play in the sink while you made dinner. You can't get that back when they're 16!" He turned the water back on and gave them both a scrub brush and a cup.<br /><br />Later that night he thanked me. A little water? Not a big deal. Sure we're Americans and taking it for granted and all that, but...it was water. Yes, we were wasteful, but was it worth making them cry, or do you just pay the minimally higher water and sewer bill knowing that you have one plate that is sparkling clean and two very, very happy little helpers? Eventually we'll teach them about not wasting water and all that, but for right now? They are 1 and 2, and cooking with their Daddy. Know what matters, and what only matters right now.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-45024689012267242612010-10-19T17:12:00.004-04:002010-10-19T18:04:57.385-04:00When it's not a triangle...The three "sides" of adoption are the Birth Mother/Parents, the Adoptee, and the Adoptive Parent(s). This is often called the "Triad" and depicted and thought of as a triangle with equal sides. Unfortunately for both my sons, we don't have our promised triangle. We have more of a line. Our third corner in each triangle seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. We keep our side of things going, for the most part, and would welcome a return to our triangle shape, but for now, we're a pretty comfortable line. <br /><br />Anyone that knows me though, knows that I think ahead. I fully believe in mentally exploring all potential future scenarios, worst case to best case until I'm a quivering, shaking mess. This would clearly be no exception. I can't help but fear that despite what we've done, and the contact we've maintained (us sending letters and pictures) that the lack of response from birth parents will be emotionally blamed on us. Either by the birth parents when/if contact is initiated as the kids get older, or by the boys if they have a hard time dealing with their loss. I can't help but feel that in this new era of open adoption where birth parents are guided into a choice they are not educated about, that we are all creating a new generation of adoptees who will not have lost their birth families once, but twice. Who will be forced to face down not only their own placement for adoption, but their emotional abandonment by their birth families. I can't imagine how my children will feel when they know that their birth parents had options for full and open communication and in Matty's case 1 guaranteed visit per year, and they haven't bothered to make that effort. <br /><br />I think either of their birth families could have stretched their lives and finances to care for another child. That was not why my boys were placed. My boys were placed because their birth parents could not emotionally raise another child. They <span style="font-style:italic;">chose</span> not to parent. Perhaps with that knowledge, we should not be surprised that they have not maintained communication. That they have not asked for their visits or sent pictures so my sons could have pictures of the people that look like them. <br /><br />I'm so angry. <br /><br />My sons were first emotionally placed by their birth families, and now they have been emotionally abandoned by them as well. No one should make promises they can't keep to children. Open adoption is not for a birth parent only if <span style="font-style:italic;">they</span> need it. Open Adoption is for the child, the teen, the young adult and adult <span style="font-style:italic;">adoptee</span>. I realize it is not easy for their birth families. It's not easy for me either. I do it for my children. I can't imagine a better reason.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-77751819281522004662010-10-12T15:50:00.004-04:002010-10-12T16:06:51.566-04:00Whole Foods...you suck...Dear Whole Foods,<br /><br /> People who like to eat healthy do not necessarily have only one child. Just because we are green and/or organic does not mean that we are also hyper conscious of the earths population numbers and are limiting our family to one child. We may have multiple children. Just because we shop at your store does not mean that we are so wealthy we must have left our kids home with the Nanny. We do not have a Nanny. <br /> I am raising the next generation of Whole Foods shoppers here. Children of hippie, organic loving, green living parents will typically grow into adults with many of the same ideals. These children will have jobs. It behooves you to WANT me to have more than one kid. <br /><br />Help me, help you! Get some double shopping carts or I swear, I'll shop for my organic shit at Shaws.<br /><br />Love,<br /><br />Mother of two kids who BOTH need to be in the shopping cart.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-7953971575228863442010-10-07T12:12:00.002-04:002010-10-07T12:28:38.490-04:00We may not have it all together...but together we have it all.<br /><br />Long before we had children I found a small stone wall hanging with this painted on it. I picked it up and knew I was buying it. I didn't look at the price. I didn't care. It needed to come home with me, because it was US. It completely and fully describes my husband and I in a mere sentence. We don't have all our ducks in a row, but we have a <span style="font-style:italic;">HERD</span> of ducks...you know? As our family has grown, it becomes more and more true. We remind ourselves of it, and I think I read that plaque several times a week. I'm currently working on vinyl letter that will go on our living room wall that will have the same quote. What would you rather have? Everything in it's place, or more everything? I vote more everything. More kids, more fun, more love, more laughs...and a huge pile of laundry. The reality is, in this house, it will likely not EVER be both. We will not have it all together, because we are way to busy having it all. If at any point we DO have it all together, or even close to that...well clearly I will have failed in my mission to create a family of 12. <br /><br />Matty was napping this morning and Ty and I were tooting around the house working on laundry and in general just killing time. I ran into the bathroom to pee, while Ty was busy weighing himself on the scale. He insists on keeping the scale in the kitchen so he can weigh himself each time he passes it. He jumps on, yells, "Twenty! YEAH!" They both weigh in the twenties so that's what he's use to hearing...and of course we have taught them to cheer at their weights. I figure the days where he can weigh himself in the kitchen AND cheer about it are fairly numbered in the grand scheme of his life, so I let him have at it.<br /><br />So while I'm peeing, he peeks around the corner at me in the bathroom (yes, I use the bathroom with the door open...I have a 17 month old and a 2.5 year old.) and wrinkles up his nose at me, then clomps over in his rain boots, drags his stool over to the light switch, climbs up, switches on the fan, and hops down. He pats me in the knee and says, "Otay? Otay Momma?" Okay Ty. Then he stands patiently RIGHT BESIDE me waiting for me to finish so he can flush the potty for me. I'm not sure if he's the world best bathroom attendant or the world's worst. In any case, I haven't flushed the potty in months.<br /><br />Well I hear chainsaws...so I guess I better go check that out.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-66237481098574634042010-09-29T17:07:00.007-04:002011-09-23T11:59:27.931-04:00The Token Child?As we begin to settle into a routine with two children and I'm able to get out and about more, well...I'm not satisfied. I want to continue. Yes, life threw us a little bump in our planning with two boys who were closer together than we planned. Seeing them play each day tells me they were exactly what was meant to be for our family. Exactly. For OUR family. So those of you with kids further apart, don't feel like you are missing out on anything. I'm sure you have exactly what you are supposed to have for your family. But for these kiddos, for this family? They are perfection. <br />
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As I said, we're finally adjusting to this...perfection...so I'm ready to get going again. Build this family while we have any semblance of a young couple who can handle all these young kids. As is typical for me, I'm all over the map. Foster Care, international, domestic, special needs. I have to research them all. This time around I took a really strong look at international. An adoption from Africa really is in my heart, and I think we WILL do it someday. I'm not sure if now is the right time for that. Some of the programs I've looked at seem shaky at best, and one closed while I was in the process of finding an agency who would work with us for that country. In the process of researching several African Countries, I also came across several blogs of people who were adopting or have adopted from African. Uganda, Ethiopia, Rwanda, etc. I am struck by the make-up of some families who have chosen this path to African adoption. I'm more than struck honestly...I'm upset. Large families of 5, 6, 8 biological children. All white. In the middle of Idaho or some other place with less than zero diversity if that's possible. A blog filled with pictures of family and friends, and one lone face of color. Their token adopted child from Africa. The child God called them to adopt to complete their family. Now their family is complete...with their one black child surrounded by a sea of white faces. Really? That's what God wanted for that child? They wanted the child to be ripped from their home country and moved to a place where no one looked like them, or understood any of their culture? I guess I can't question God, but I WILL question their interpretation of what they think God wanted. Yes, African children need help. Yes, they live in poverty. Yes, many of them die young because they lack basic health care. That is very sad. I completely agree all of that, and it tears at my very heart. What the children are NOT lacking is culture, community, and heritage. Traditions. A feeling of belonging, even if it's only with other homeless children all in the same place as you. There is a feeling of community, even as there is nothing to share. To take all of that from a child? Really the only things they have ever "had" in their lives...it seems quite selfish when you know you can not provide those things for them. You know you have no plans to adopt another child that they could share their culture with. You know you have no plans to move to a more diverse area where the child could see and be friends with other people and children who at least look like them. <br />
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Selfish. <br />
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I parent two black children. <br />
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Everyday I judge myself on my ability to provide for them the things they lost when I adopted them. Diversity. African American role models and peers. Culture. I can not replace all that they lost when they left a black family, and joined ours...I know that. But I certainly will do all I can to nurture who they are as a person. They are a black person. I can't understand that with complete certainty. I can empathize, encourage, and love them. I can provide for them siblings who WILL understand exactly how they feel. Who will get it. I can make every attempt to expose them to the culture they would have if their birth parents had parented. I can find and reinforce positive black role models for my children. What I won't do is isolate them in a sea of white like a cute little black doll that I took because I wanted it. I do not have token black children I rescued from Africa. Even if we adopt from Africa, that is not what my children will be. They will be my children...who happen to be black, which bares with it a responsibility to respect that they inherently may need more effort than a biological or even a white adopted child would need from me. They need a lifelong commitment to expose and try to rebuild to all the things they have lost because I am white. If I can't give that commitment to them, I shouldn't be adopting black children.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-90475767551222090182010-09-23T11:56:00.000-04:002011-09-23T12:00:57.271-04:00I am Machine.Sometimes I still dream of perfect children. You know the ones we all dream of before we have children, while we still know everything about parenting? I still think of those children sometimes. How I would dress them, the places we would go, how I would never need to yell because rationalizing with an 18 month old always works. How they would follow me in a neat little row like ducks through a parking lot. <br />
Sometimes, I miss those kids, but the reality is...they are so boring. They are not challenging, or mentally stimulating. They are not kids, they are (to borrow a phrase from a friend) Stepford Children. There are days a Stepford child sounds great. A well oiled robot that just runs, even when Mommy has a cold and pees when she has coughing fits. A life that has kids into the car and on our way without tears and tantrums. I've realized my children are not robots, my life is not a machine, but somewhere deep inside, I am.<br />
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If you ask me how I do it, I won't have an answer. I can't even answer my husband when he asks. I don't know. There is a machine inside me. It does what it needs to even when my brain goes on auto pilot. It prioritizes, process and completes tasks that were never even in my imagination till I woke up and had two special needs kiddos. That machine can make two grilled cheese while emptying roomba, attempting to rationalize with a speech delayed 2.5 year old, and empty the dishwasher all at once. That machine can hand pluck loose fur from a dogs butt while I use the bathroom because that kind of multi-tasking SAVES TIME. That machine is smart. I have no idea where it came from.<br />
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I was ready to be a Mom. I know that now. I was maybe naive and soft, but I was ready. Good thing because every single day I end up in a place that I never could have dreamed. I did not look forward to watching a toddler pee in the potty by using the toilet seat as a back board. I didn't ever, ever imagine urine every where would make me laugh.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-59668411778042017002010-09-13T00:43:00.004-04:002010-09-13T01:02:43.704-04:00Things Cruise Along...Kids Get Bigger...I wish for more babies. It seems an endless cycle. I'm like a child that bores of a puppy once it's no longer cute. Okay...not bored...not that...just...complacent. No one NEEDS ME. Not in the primal way. I think my kids could gladly make it a whole day and scrounge for food if they needed to. They certainly seem happy enough to roam the garden and eat tomatoes that I haven't yet cut up, or to grab a kitchen chair and drag it over so they can eat an apple. Tyler will even pull Roomba to the middle of the carpet and start her up. What do they need me for? The occasional dirty diaper that they could careless if I changed anyway? I need babies damn it. Little tiny babies that cry in need of a burp and a bottle warmed just so. Little bitty with legs all frogged up inside a sleeper gown, and tiny, itsy bitsy eyes that will pop awake if I even think about moving when they are sleeping on my chest. The last thing that slept on my chest was a 25 pound Corgi and he snores like a lumber jack. I want to SWADDLE things and make little burritos out of a sleeping baby and a stretchy blanket. I want a little tiny nose almost hidden by a huge pacifier. I want little match sized fingers topped by razor blades ready to tear my face to shreds if I don't rock them just right. I want that. Really. <br /><br />Instead I got a job. Just weekends at the farm up the street to help them out in their farm store during the apple harvest. I love this farm and spend a lot of time there with the boys anyway, so why not? If I want more babies, that means more money in one way or another. Lots more money most likely, so I guess instead of all the little tiny things I wish were in my home, I'll focus on all the BIG things that have to get done before we can get the little things. Which is actually quite opposite of the way most things work. We need house stuff done, and bills paid off, and to build our savings back up a little more. We need a lot of house stuff done. I don't know if it will ALL happen before we think about adding on to the family again, but some of it needs to. We at least need to figure out the answers to what we're doing with the house before we add on to the family. I would like to rip down the single story part and replace it with a 2 story part. Whether that's feasible financially or not, we'll have to see. I could be quite happy here if we did that though! <br /><br />Right now I need to get a grip...on laundry and a bunch of other things that are right here and right now. How we always have so much laundry, I'll never be able to figure out. I think my children contribute, but honestly I don't ever seem to run out of their clothes. Mike always needs clothes so the majority MUST be his...but he swears he's going to wash all his work clothes himself. I don't think that ever really happens though. I wonder how many loads of laundry I would have to do per day to stay caught up...you know once I catch up. I would think if I did a load of laundry a day that would be enough. It seems so simple! One load per day for a family of 4 and we wouldn't have mountains build up. But it does. It always does. Ugg...<br /><br />Fun for today: Mike in the living room with both boys. <br /><br />Mike: Tyler, don't take your clothes off.<br />Tyler: Jargoning away and I can't understand anything about it. He might be saying something about ice cream...or the dogs?<br />Mike: Tyler! I asked you to leave your clothes on!<br />Tyler: Help! Dadda, Help!<br />Mike: No Tyler...no, I won't help you take your pants off. I've asked you to leave your clothes on.<br />Tyler: Help? Dadda? Momma? Help?<br /><br />I go in. He's down to a diaper. Matty is running into the wall cause he has Ty's shirt over his face. That's my life.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-29603909399955784972010-09-03T12:59:00.005-04:002010-09-03T13:16:20.327-04:00and then there was Earl...So we take our first vacation in several years that didn't involve driving somewhere to pick up a baby, or to finalize an adoption, or celebrate a holiday...just V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N. Awesome. We're on the Chesapeake Bay in Virginia and we had planned nothing more than fishing with the boys, putting out a couple of crab pots to see if we could catch any, and a whole lot of playing in the sand. I think it's perfection when you have a 16 month old and a 2.5 year old. Then hurricane Earl had to show up so we spent 3 perfectly fine days worrying about a hurricane that in the end, didn't even give us any rain. Oh well. We did a little fishing, and caught 5 crabs, 3 of which we kept and cooked up. One was soft shell even...pretty neat-o. <br /><br />Over all, it's been a perfect place. We can look out the window or hang out on the screen porch and the boys have a plethora of things to see on or near the water. Boat! Boat! Bird! Bird Momma! Bye bye Boat! Bye bye! Bye bye Bird! Needless to say, the boats, birds, and "Dewey's" (dogs) that they see never fail to entertain them. <br /><br />Dewey, our corgi is actually here on vacation with us, while the two big dogs are at home with a dog walker. We weren't supposed to have any dogs with us, but Dewey pulled a fast one and almost died in the two weeks before vacation and was touch and go (to put it nicely) right until the car ride down here. I'm pleased to say he's doing fabulous now and our biggest concern is keeping him out of the Bay because he really wants to go swimming, but he can't...he has a bunch of staples in his stomach from an emergency surgery 4 days before we left. We are glad he is here and doing well though!<br /><br />Matty is having an amazing vacation, but he looks like hell. The mosquitoes LOVE Matty...they always have. He's one of those kids that can walk from the house to the car and come in with 5 big bites that all swell up into welts. Right now he has one 2 on his forehead, one on his cheek, one under his eye and big one on the end of his nose. It swelled his little nose up and turned it red. Looks like he's been drinking. His back, arms and legs are covered with them. The coconut oil seems to help them a little. I don't know what to do. I can't bathe him in mosquito repellent everyday! All those chemicals can't be good for him either. <br /><br />Tyler's speech has really blossomed in just the week we've been here. He turned to us both the other day and in his toddler drawl said, "ya-wan-doe-dow-a-beach?" We were very impressed! He starts playgroup when we get back, and I'm excited for how that will challenge and improve his social skills. He should have a one-on-one for the first few weeks at playgroup anyway. <br /><br />Yesterday we went for a drive and happened on a dollar store that had swords. Tyler HAD to have one, and so we got two. They were called Robot Swords, and light up and make a noise like a robot booting up, but it ends with a cha-ching! It sounds like a robot playing the slots or something. We have heard nothing else for 24 hours. They are currently on the top shelf in the closet. We're hoping they will forget when they wake from their naps!Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-357699069190625602010-08-19T14:23:00.005-04:002010-08-19T22:17:19.070-04:00And then there were two...Please stop. Look back. Notice my last posting. Tyler's last outing as a single child, and my last blog post in over a year...coincidence? Not even a little bit.<br /><br />So who wants a quick catch up? Let's see...<br /><br />Matthew Malachi Isaiah: Matty came home. We started Early Intervention immediately. At 3 months old he was at a newborn level in almost all evaluated areas. We worked our butts off...Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Neurology, Orthopedist, MRI's, hearing tests, feeding specialists, hypertonia. This year was straight out with specialist appointments, and doing PT with Matty, at times, 5X a day. As of 2 hours ago, Matty tested out of EI with average scores between 15 and 18 months old. He's almost 16 months. He was pronounced (through tears) by his therapist, to be a "Rock Star"...well...of course!<br /><br />Matty is an amazing little boy. He's completely different than his brother. He's really funny, and very sweet. He's my little Stewie Griffin lately though! Mommy, Momma, Mama, Amy, Mom, MOM, MAMA, MOMMY!, AMY!, MOMMY!...he will NOT be denied. Typically once I answer him he will then smile and maybe point to a tomato and say, Yummy! (then move to the next tomato and do it all over again...we have a lot of tomato plants too!) He's a great eater, very laid back, gives lots of hugs and many, many kisses each day. He loves to swim and is fairly certain in his own little head that he knows how to do so...underwater. He spend as much time in the water as possible trying to prove he can (he can't)...He loves animals, bugs, airplanes, and motorcycles. He's a lot of fun, and a pretty typical 16 month old. He needs to do everything his big brother is doing, including climbing to the top of the couch. He is the most amazing mimic I've ever seen and he will certainly be the child that is in the back seat repeating the naughty words Daddy says while driving! We finalized Matty's adoption in July, just short of a year after he came home.<br /><br />Tyler David: Tyler has, for the most part, really enjoyed being a big brother. We had some transitional time when Matty was first trying to get around where Ty really struggled with his brother being in his space. Matty had high muscle tone, so he was walking pretty well by 10 months old. Size-wise, Ty was still much bigger than Matty then and sometimes he would put Matty right over onto his head. Thankfully, we passed that stage and now Ty can see that Matty is fun to play with...although that does seem to still include putting Matty onto his head at times. In January 2010, Ty was almost 2, we had him evaluated for a speech delay, which we were pretty much expecting since some of his biological sibling had speech delays. He tested into Early Intervention with Speech, and some oral sensory challenges. I was totally floored when they mentioned Sensory stuff, especially oral. Perhaps the fact that he had been chewing his way out of his wood crib should have clued me in. Amazing how a parent can turn a blind eye to her child challenges and see only perfection :) Eight months into EI, Tyler's therapy now includes and OT, and MA Ed. (Masters in Education therapist) three times per week. He's making progress and learning new words at a surprising level. We've added behavioral challenges to his therapy plan. He is just a kid that will throw you for a loop at every turn. In Mom's eyes...he's still perfection.<br /><br />We still have three dogs, although Dewey is currently at the vet. He was signed in for "Supportive Care"...that is actually what they wrote on his paperwork. I'd like that. I want to be signed in somewhere for a few days of "Supportive Care" ! He actually has pancreatitis, and after about 5 days of doing really well, he stopped eating again and was looking like death warmed over. Give we leave for vacation in a week, we thought we better send him away so he could make a full recovery. We were worried about him getting dehydrated too. I wish two things regarding my dogs. 1) That if they HAVE to get sick they could get sick for less than $1,000. That never seems to happen. 2) If they HAVE to get sick, could they at least get sick with something that we can get an answer on how it happened and how to prevent it? Okay...once when Dudley was sick we were finally able to pinpoint why (he had eaten both a Frisbee AND a rope toy) but typically it's a line like, "Well, we think it's this, and that could have been caused by this, this, thingabob, or stress..." Stress...they always throw that in there, and I'm convinced it's to make you feel bad...like you stressed out your pet, made them sick and now you're even a little upset that they are costing you thousands? Well you suck as a pet owner. I feel like telling the vet...they wouldn't feel stressed if they stopped eating the kids dirty diapers! Then I wouldn't have to scream at them! ... These dogs can't understand basic commands by boy are their brains smart enough to figure out how to open the trash can and get trash, the TIED bags in the recycling to get cans, or the pantry <span style="font-style: italic;">and</span> a rubber maid to get to their food. Selective intelligence I think.<br /><br />Let's see...the past year.<br /><br />Well we had a little chicken episode. I guess it was more than an episode since it started back in March and is just now ending. It all started with me deciding I wanted to raise chickens for eggs. Great idea right? Except anyone that knows me, knows my intense level of ADD when I have a project. As soon as it's started, I am no longer interested and I start something else. Mike had a valid concern that he would soon have a back yard flock of chickens to care for, feed and collect eggs from each day. He wasn't interested in that. We compromised when I did some research and found out about Cornish Meat chickens. We would raise them a mere 8 weeks, pay someone to butcher them, then put them in the freezer. That way it was a finite commitment. So I ordered 25 little fluff balls from a hatchery and all was going well till I bought another 12 from the grain store. 25 + 12 +1 freebie "exotic" the hatchery sent = 38 chickens. 38 chickens who grow very fast, eat a LOT and poop to match their rate of intake. They didn't last in the house long. They soon moved to the garage, then out to the shed. But I loved it, and so did Ty. Ty LOVED his chickens...feeding them, tossing out corn...all that. So we raised them for 12 weeks, and then...we actually processed them ourselves. That part wasn't easy, but honestly, it wasn't hard either. I'll spare the details for this post though... Anyway, Mike agreed that I could raise layers, so we bought some at the grain store and we were loving it. To make a long (and emotional) story short, our neighbors reported us. Not the neighbors that live next door or even anywhere on our street kind of neighbors...all those people loved our chickens...the people that own (but do not live in) the duplex next door reported the chickens. They...suck. So the chickens have to go. I'll be working to change the chicken laws in Amesbury, but for right now, we had to say goodbye. Nothing like watching your 2.5 year old wave good bye and yell, "Bye bye shicen" while standing in the drive way as his chickens drive off to new homes. Heartbreaking I tell you.<br /><br />Mike and I have been doing really well. Both of us are plugging along health wise, and Mike's recent testing on his heart function has been amazing. Mike has started riding his bike more, back and forth to work, and for longer rides on the weekends. This weekend he will do his first 1/2 Century (50 miles)...he is really enjoying it, and I even have a bike now too. Most weekends we'll put the kids in the trailer and ride to the farm to get our CSA share instead of driving. The kids like the ride, but hate their helmets with a passion.<br /><br />I'm sure there are a million things I'm forgetting from the past year, but this is a long enough post for now I think...<br /><br />As always, I'll try to be here more ;)<br /><br />AmyCallahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-52805676016304886962009-07-24T23:52:00.003-04:002009-07-25T00:06:36.719-04:00News!When you have to go look for a link you posted somewhere else to find your blog...that's bad. Well it's no secret for those that read along that this isn't a steady commitment by any means. I wish it was, I often think..."I should blog that!" I just never seem to get around to it. Tyler is grown by leaps and bounds and so it seems is our family. We decided several short weeks ago that we would be open to adopting again domestically, rather than through foster care, and before we knew it, we were matched! Not only were we matched but it's with an already born baby who is 3 months old today. We have decided to call him Matthew Malachi. We are so in love. Haven't picked him up yet, but are in love none the less :) We will meet him on Tuesday, July 28<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">th</span>, which is also happens is Mike's birthday. We plan to have an open adoption with his birth mother, and hopefully his 1/2 birth siblings as they get older. We can't wait.<br /><br />Tomorrow we are taking Ty for his last "only child" outing. We are planning to go to Richardson's Dairy. It's a working dairy farm that makes it's own ice cream, and has mini golf too. I don't know why, but I want to take Ty mini-golfing. I'm sure it will be a spectacle. Oh well.<br /><br />Mike and I are both doing well. I have stopped working because 2 boys, 15 months apart will be work enough, thank you! We still have all the dogs too. I think Daisy will live forever. She's slowing down and turning more grey daily, but she's still a love. Dudley and Dewey are about the same.<br /><br />Let's see, Ty will be 18 months old on Sunday. Time has flown. I could never have imagined how emotional adopting our second child would be. The raw emotion of Tyler not being my "only" and the deep, intense fear that I will never be able to love another as much as Ty. He's my baby, my little guy. He makes discipline nearly impossible by covering his face with his hands when he sobs. A quick word from Mommy seems to shake my rough tough guy to his very core. Thankfully a hug and kiss and he's quick to forgive and forget, till he does it all over again. He still loves to clap his hands, blow kisses, and call the doggies to come and play. He now calls me "Amy" which is interesting. Loud and clear at the top of his lungs. I'm sure other mothers at the play ground get confused.<br /><br />Mike has taught him the wonders of puddles, just in time for all the rain we've had. He loves them. Loves all water really. Everyone gets soaked at bath time and he was a star "swimmer" at his lessons earlier this summer. Plays in his little pool for hours, very content with a cup and a couple inches of water. He's a good boy...except when he's not :)<br /><br />Well I should sign off. I would make all the pretend promises to be here more, but let's be honest, you get what you get. I'm going to have even less time soon :)Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-88163483681241042152009-05-14T16:38:00.002-04:002009-05-14T17:03:18.086-04:00Wonderful Mother's DaySo it's a few days too late, but I just thought I would let everyone know I had a wonderful Mother's Day. I was lucky enough to be driven (by Mike) 8+ hours down to VA so I could spend Mother's Day with my Mom. It was really nice. To top it all off, she sent me home with her "old" embroidery sewing machine since she got a new one. As my mother's day gift from Mike and Ty, I got 3 hours of private lessons on learning to run that thing! It is basically a computer that also happens to sew. <br /><br />Obviously by this point Ty is walking. Running even. He's into and onto everything he can get his chubby little hands on. He loves being outside, playing in the dirt, or running down the side walk. He also favors walks around the block in his wagon with Daddy pulling. I'm not sure I ever guessed that life would be this great :)<br /><br />We decided that we're going to wait till after the summer to start foster care. Okay, I think *I* pretty much decided it, and I'm not sure that I'm sure. I think I just want to spend this summer with Ty. I want more kids, but at the same time, I really love this little man. He makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes me swear I'm the luckiest Momma in the world and alternately if God hates me all in one day. His complete amazement when his grandmother points out a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">caterpillar</span> makes me almost cry. Then his complete determination to pick it up and eat it makes me fall over laughing...<br /><br />He gives kisses now, and even enjoys kissing the picture of his girlfriend Ella that we just got in the mail. He's going to be pretty upset when I break the news to him that I don't think we can make the trip to WI for her birthday party. We'll have to send her something nice :)<br /><br />Well I have a 30<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">th</span> birthday party to finish planning for this weekend, so hopefully I'll remember to blog again before 2 months goes by!Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-58423885427065304462009-03-23T18:43:00.003-04:002009-03-23T18:59:54.490-04:00Back by popular demand...an update!So once people start commenting that I haven't posted to my blog in a while, I realize...yes...it has been a while! But..but...we've been busy. Story of our lives right?<br /><br />In the last month or month and a half, we gutted the two upstairs bedrooms completely. We had the roof done, and added a tube skylight to the upstairs landing. We had new framing, pocket doors, spray foam insulation, blue board and plaster done in the rooms. With the help of my mother and step father, we painted, and laid new bamboo floors. The following week, two new windows went in. During the process, several credit cards melted, Mike hurt his right wrist, and my left wrist swelled to twice the size it should be, also developing a large very hard lump that might be a cyst. Trim and touch up paint to go, and Tyler will be OUT OF OUR ROOM! I'm a little tiny bit sad, but mostly, very excited. I do still have to paint a tree on his wall, refinish his dresser, and do some work on his taller dresser. But he can live in there before I do everything but the tree...and I hope to do that this weekend. I can't wait to see all the beautiful things Ty has all set up and in his room. It will be great for him to have his own space, and for us to have another space where we can put some of his toys.<br /><br />The second room we have other plans for. We have a spare crib that I bought when Bridget was born, and a spare twin bed (there will also be a twin bed in Ty's room). We plan to set the room up, and then submit an application to begin the process to become foster parents. Tyler is 1 now, and it could take us quite a while to get approved. Once you get into classes, it takes 8 weeks just to complete them. A local woman I met is a foster mom and it took her 2 years to get through everything. We might be starting another long road but hopefully it will be worth it in the end. The road to Ty certainly was :)<br /><br />Tyler's "road" is wrapping up. We got his birth certificate, and it was so wonderful to see that legal document say in black and white our names as his parents. I went to social security today to apply for his SS#. We should get that in 8-10 days, which should be just in time for us to squeak our taxes in before April 15th! Can't wait for that tax return to start paying off all the $$ we paid out to work on the house. Wish there was a flat screen in there somewhere, but there isn't!<br /><br />Ty isn't walking yet. He walks behind his toys, and cruises everywhere...he's into everything. He is ALL B-O-Y! Over the weekend he gave me a bloody nose when he headbutted me. He likes to scream, and have tantrum. Already. He loves to climb and climb and climb...get everything he shouldn't. He just cut his 5th tooth. 3 new teeth in the last 2 weeks! 6 is right around the corner and 7 and 8 are just starting to swell. He might have been slow to start, but he's fast to catch up!!!<br /><br />Other than that, I am waiting for summer. We visited the farm yesterday and it was wonderful to be out and see all the new animals, and visit the greenhouses to see all the food that has been started. I can almost taste the tomatoes now :)<br /><br />Dogs are all good...Daisy keeps jumping the fence though, and that's a real bummer...limits their free time outside.Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-24461887454037754572009-02-07T12:21:00.002-05:002009-02-07T12:42:37.138-05:00A Year Ago...So the last week or two Mike and I have been having a lot of important 1 year "anniversaries"...On January 26th, Tyler was a year old (Happy Birthday Big BOY!) January 27th was the 1 year anniversary of when we were notified we had been chosen. One year ago on that day, we cried and called family to tell them we were going to be parents. January 28th was the first day we met Tyler, all squished up and wrapped in a blanket, which such a huge head of hair his hats barely stayed on. The 31st was the day we knew for sure he was "ours". We had gone to court and the TPR was no longer revocable. We went and picked him up at Cradle Care, which had been our "home" for 4 days while we spent time with Tyler. We brought him back to our hotel, and were alone with him finally. We spent several days alone with Ty, curled on the couch, watching TV. <br /><br />One year ago today, February 7th, we were finally able to fly back to Massachusetts. Tyler would finally meet our families. At the airport, hustling toward Tyler and I while Mike waited for our luggage were Erina, and a VERY excited Bridget. I think Erina would have stripped him naked just to see all of him right then and there if she could have. It was wonderful to finally see my sister hold my son.<br /><br />We have several not so fun anniversaries coming up over the next few days though. Mike's hospitalization and emergency transport to Brigham and Women's....<br /><br />We'll get through that...we have so much to be thankful for :)Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4382955114513203057.post-35559171143090089472009-01-12T09:37:00.002-05:002009-01-12T10:15:23.267-05:00Why am I so Awful at THIS?I am a terrible blogger. Just accept it, be grateful when I do blog, and don't be angry when i don't...<br /><br />So we're several days into the new year, and hoping for a calmer year than 2008 would be a useless prayer so why bother? I feel like we live most of our lives in fast forward these days. Something to do, somewhere to be, a task to complete, go to sleep. I made several "resolutions" for our new year as a family, and most of them are looking pathetic so far. I started a journal for Tyler, and I do enjoy writing in it at night. I need to get a little night stand to go on my side of the bed so I can put it there and remember to jot a few notes down each night...maybe a little reading light too, so I don't have the whole room lit up. I'd like to say that blogging more even made the 2009 list, but in reality...it just didn't! <br /><br />Some of my resolutions for the new year include:<br /><br />Our family finances. I'd like to have all our debt paid off with the exception of the home equity line, the cars and the house. Those are our "good" debt :) Like that exists right? Those are tangible debts that I don't mind I guess. The home equity line was from Ty's adoption...so it's a large sum indeed, though I'm actually pleased with how little we borrowed compared to how much the adoption total was. You don't want to know. Highway robbery. Someone's getting rich off adoptions...not sure who yet!<br /><br />Starting a new "addition" to the family. We have several choices for this, and honestly I won't know what road to take till I know. Right now I feel a strong pull towards adopting a sibling group from foster care. We'll see how THAT party goes down when we get started. I wouldn't rule out adoption domestically again, or even Ethiopia. <br /><br />HOME. We need to get stuff done on our home. By the end of 2009, I would like every room in our house, with the exception of the kitchen and bathroom to be at least 95% done. I don't honestly care that most rooms don't have baseboard. We can tack that stuff up when we go to sell!<br /><br />FAMILY! We made a huge change moving into 2009 where I am a SAHM. Most days! I work 1.5 days outside the home, but Tyler comes with me. I want to get it all balanced and working a little smoother! So far I enjoy it, but I'm having a hard time not obsessing about the house, and Tyler and everything being <span style="font-style: italic;">perfect</span>. I mean let's face it, this house isn't going to be perfect...Neither is my nose picking, back talking one year old...so I should just relax. I'd like to read to Tyler more too. We sing to him a lot, but he enjoys books, so we should work reading in more too. <br /><br />FOOD: Eat more locally, continue the CSA from March-December. I also have pledged to try and make my own bread, yogurt and cheese while I'm home. It's really important to me that Tyler not eat junk. Okay...mostly not junk with the occasional fish stick. What can I do? The kid loves fish, and I can't whip up a fish dinner a couple nights a week! I also want to work on his palete a lot this year. Studies show that between 1-2 children develop a preference for 90% of the foods they will enjoy the rest of their lives. So the more foods you can cram in and have your kid try between 1-2, the better. We do pretty well with Ty. Haven't found a veggie he won't eat (he eats raw peppers, eggplant....you name it) Fruits also always get the green light. Protiens are hit or miss...usually depending on texture, so I think tha will get easier as he gets more than 2 teeth. He eats whole wheat bread and I'll be hoping to move him over to whole grain, home made bread in the next couple weeks. I think we have a good base. Just have to start on the exotic fruits and sushi before he's two and we'll be good :)<br /><br />ME: We're going to join the YMCA, and I'm going to GO. And not feel guilty that I'm a stay at home Mom who let's the Y babysit her kid so she can swim a couple mornings a week.<br /><br />I think that's it? When you read that do I sound nuerotic? I am. I can accept that. <br /><br />In other updates, Tyler, at less than one year old, has learned to say NO. It comes out sort of like DOE!, or DOH!...very clear what he is saying though. I gave him his first tap on the hand a few days ago when I asked him to stop throwing food off his tray to the dogs, and he said, DOE!. I tapped (and I do mean TAPPED) him on the hand and he desolved into a puddle of crying mush. I'm a monster. He stopped throwing food off his tray though, and ate his lunch. I think I have to ignore bad behavior, it just feels like this baby was born knowing how to push my buttons. He will snuggle up to me, give me a hug, look at me and smile...then whap...slap me upside the head and knock my glasses off my face. Sneak attack. <br /><br />Miek washed all three dogs yesterday. That might not seem like something worth mentioning to YOU, but in this house, that's a major event. The tub was full of hair, I brushed them all, and got enough hair to full a stop and shop bag, and they are SO shiny and smell nice and are clean. They just fell better too...you can tell that they might not love the bath (well Dudley did) but they love how great they fell after. Dewey, our overgrown guinea pig, is a total brat about getting brushed. He's really sensitive about his butt. No idea why, but our trainer tells us that we didn't pull his butt fur enough when he was a puppy. What ever THAT means. They all seem to love that I'm home now, and they are in and out of the house constantly through the dog door. They do still enjoy dragging things they shouldn't have through it outside so they can enjoy them though. Mike makes a regular trip through the back yard to find the remains of their naughtness. Last trip he found one of my pairs of shoes that I got for Christmas. I got a black pair and a brown pair. I was impressed that although the shoes are stored right next to each other, they got both black shoes, instead of one shoe from each pair. There was also one of Ty's bottles, which I can't for the life of me figure out how they got. It had no top on it, so either that's how they got it, or one of them ate the nipple and ring. We're on poop watch again...YIPPEE! I'm sure the snow is hiding other treasures, not to be found till spring.<br /><br />As far as work on the house, we are at somewhat of a stand still. When we gutted the first upstairs bedroom we found out...SURPRISE! We need a new roof. Which can't be done till spring. So we'll be tarping the roof on that part of the house, and then we just have to dry out the boards on the underside of the roof before we continue to replace the drywall and flooring. It was no small task. There were 3 layers of wallpaper, 2 layers of drywall, then the horsehair plaster and lath. That is all out, but we're leaving the carpet (pink of course) in there till the last second to help absorb some dust. We took out one wall, which we'll be putting back, but in a different spot. It enlarges the room some, which will help...when we have 12 kids :) Erina is pretty sure we can fit 2 sets of bunk beds in there...in the very least 1 set of bunk beds and 2 single beds! For now when the room is complete we will put our spare queen size bed in there, a twin bed, and the spare crib. I want to have the flexibility in case we do foster care, and for guests. If there is room, I might put the twin bed in Ty's room, so I have a place to sleep in his room in case he has a bad night. Course if the spare crib is in the other room, I could always move him in there, and sleep on the queen bed, which is SO comfy. Love that bed.<br /><br />Okay well there you go. Not posts for over a month, but that one was a long one. Hope you all enjoyed it, and I'll get here to post more...yada yada. <br /><br />Happy 2009!Callahan Crewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10274258908838971170noreply@blogger.com1