Wednesday, April 30, 2008

My sense of obligation...

How appropriately titled my last post was! It's been about 3 weeks since I even thought of posting. Not that we haven't be busy...but who isn't? Everyone is busy.

Well Ty Bear is doing a little better. We had a rough few weeks where he was throwing up all the time. When I brought him to the Doctor to be checked, he had only put on the minimum amount of weight that they like to see. 1 pound exactly. They said if he didn't do better between 3-4 months then we would talk at his 4 months. I was pretty worried. This mothering thing is hard. So a few days after that (and a few sleepless nights of me laying awake worrying) he decided to show me his "stuff"...he rolled over! Big Tough Guy! It did help me realize that even if he is on the small side, he's thriving. Now the last week or so he's been waking up again at night to pound a bubba. He's been eating really well, and keeping almost everything down. Growing himself a little belly even! I think we'll be fine at the 4 month appointment so I'm not worrying anymore (about that anyway!)

Did I mention how hard this mothering thing is??? The worst part...the freaking daycare. You would think given my background I could have a healthy respect for Ty bonding to his daycare worker. I don't. I hate her. I work a long 8 hour day, and drag my butt over there and inside and all I want is a smile. It will make my day worth it, and the drive home (sitting in traffic) so much easier. Just a little smile Ty's my drug that helps me make it home at night. This baby will NOT look at me when I get there. It makes me cry...every. day. I don't know if he's punishing me, he's tired (he always sleeps on the way home) or what, but he won't look at me, make eye contact or smile for me. Yesterday he went one step further by not only ignoring me, but hamming it up for the daycare lady, who is damn lucky I left her alive when we went home. I don't want or need to see my kid smile at you lady. I know I miss the smiles and giggles and coos all day. I get that...when I get here, don't remind me that I pay you to enjoy my kid all day. Let me pack up and get out of here without the show of how much he loves you. Wicked healthy right? I'm a moron. I know he needs to attach to her, but it is SO hard. It sucks. Once we get home, and he's napped on the way home, he's much better. Right back to his old self and smiling and laughing at me, and we play the up down game and sing songs, but I'm starting to dread going to get him at night. I told Mike we need to get a daycare in Amesbury so he can do some of the drop-offs and pick-ups too. We should suffer equally.

This past weekend we had my 30th birthday party. I was telling everyone it took me a month to get used to the idea...really we just waited for nicer weather. The weather was a little chilly, but nice. It was a fun day for the most part. Lot of work though.

Mike and I have developed the BEST game we play with Tyler. We do it so much he's ready for it now and starts to laugh. Mike put Ty in front of him and then makes Ty's legs kick me. I say, OH OH...if you kick me I'm gonna get you!" and I start at his toes and walk my fingers up till they are right at his neck and give him a little tickle. We do this over and over and as soon as I put my finger on his toes he starts cracking's hysterical. Unfortunately, Tyler is camera shy. We bought a video camera and he just refuses to perform for it. Mike says he's not camera "shy" he's camera "curious" because all he can do is stare at it with big huge eyes. Hopefully we'll have a movie of the giggling soon though.

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