Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Why I am no longer sympathetic...this is not a very nice post!

Sometimes in LIFE, people get happens. At sometime or another, it usually happens to everyone. Sometimes you stub your toes so bad you just sit on the floor and hold it, sure it's broken, or going to fall off...maybe both. Sometimes our hurts are more serious and we really do break a bone or our face or get cuts....Honestly...I really used to care about all that when it happened to other people. I even really cared about it when it happened to me. I always said I had a really low pain tolerance. I thought I was a big hose bag (oh yeah, you heard me) who was a big cry baby when she got hurt. I've now realized, that I'm not. I've now realized that living in the kinda pain I live in, take the amount of medication I take, all the while still fighting with the insurance company, the social worker, searching the net for babies and arguing with terminix (don't ask), I'm actually NOT a weak person. I now know I'm one bad ass hard nosed lady and on a typical day, it is best not to fuck with me. Let's just outline my medical experiences for today, cause today, wasn't all THAT bad. This AM, after about 5 minutes of trying I did manage to get myself outta bed all my myself. Once on the floor (wish I was kidding) I did manage to again all my myself pull myself first to my knees, then to my feet and then to actually straighten my back. Putting into word my delightful AM "stiffness" (as my Dr likes to call it...isn't that cute) is pretty hard, try to imagine one of those really super bad Charley know the kind where you've pointed your toe and your whole calf locks up and you can move, you can only roll around and scream while you grab yourself. Imagine if you will, one of those on each side of your lower back. Oh yeah, both sides, and they go from you front, where your front hip bones are, all the way straight around to your spine, and then up your spine to just below your mid back. You don't want to straighten up all the way, but dignity makes you. Then imagine what it would feel like if you dislocated your shoulder. Honestly...I wish I was joking here folks. I've only actually ever dislocated a finger...that was about one hair worse than what I feel in each shoulder...again...both of them. Then just for fun, tighten up the muscles in between your two dislocated shoulders, so your shoulders are actually pulled back like you have hyper good posture. Not done yet kids! Now imagine you actually have almost no strength in your knees, but they manage to hurt like you've hyper extended all your ligaments. And their swollen. Since we're talking about swollen, let's head on down to the feet. Your ankles are in okay shape, but your feet are so full of fluid that's accumulated while you sleep that every step feels like your legs are going to give out. 7 of your toes are so swollen they are actually purple...and square, from being pushed together for lack of room from the swelling. Square toes anyone? Didn't think so.
So after I get the door open I make the long trek that is about 12 feet to the bathroom...aka medication land. At this point, my meds are pretty boring. I'm supposed to be getting infusions at the hospital (hence the insurance fighting, going on 4 months now), but since that's not happening, I'm self medicating with the help of my physician. I drag me weary butt (on about 3 hours of sleep because I can't sleep in pain) into the bathroom and take me AM does of meds
1000mg extended release Advil, 1250mg (I's 5 of them) extra strength Tylenol, 1 Vicoden, 1 Flexeril. I intentionally do not eat anything, knowing this will make me feel horrible, but will actually cut the pain quicker...I take them with one gulp of water....oh and screw the fact I'm not supposed to take any other acetaminophen with's only a suggestion right?
That is at 8:10.
At 11:30 I am in so much pain I take a "booster". I call 11:30, close enough to 4 hours after my first dose, which is also close enough to 6 hours I feel, since I'm not taking a full dose...don't show a nurse...they get ALL pissy at me! I take 500mg more Advil and 1000 more Tylenol (it FEELS like the vicoden is out of my system, so it must be okay to take the not recommended Tylenol again right?)
5:15 I call my Dr, and demand she call the insurance (I demand this about 2X a week) she gets in touch with the insurance and then has to call me back. The insurance company wants to know if this is an injectable medication. The Dr. Office lady has no idea. We've been doing this for 4 months and she still has no idea what the medication is. I basically laugh at her and tell her no, I've done all the injectables...those are the ones that almost put me in respiratory failure remember? She doesn't. I cut her some slack and tell her it's an infusion, take 4 hours, and it's done where the chemo patients are...usually short stay in most hospitals. She calls back and says that even though the insurance told me 2 weeks ago that they were putting mine on "priority" and that they would have an answer in 7-10 days, it actually takes 30 days from the date they got the correct form. So I'm looking at mid December. At that point they will probably deny it and I'll get to start all over :)
5:30 I get home and take another PM dose...same dosing as the AM. I can't get up off the couch I'm in so much pain...
11:30 I take the Night Night Does which swaps out 1 Advil for 2 Advil PM....I'm sure you all can see how well those work!
This is my meds dosing...I take all that but still manage to smile and tell the Dr I'm following the rules: 2 Vicoden a day (I don't call three an addiction, I don't chew them like House or anything) 2400mg Advil (okay I'm closer to 3500, but what's a 1000mg between friends?), no Tylenol (Tylenol doesn't count! they give that shit to babies!) I'm sure all can see why I've gotten right on the blood work she wants me to do to check my liver right?
So anyway, back to my blog title. Temporarily I've discovered that I'm a real jerk about other peoples pain. I try to look on the bright side with my own shit load (I like to'll never kill me, I just wish I was dead sometimes...LOL) so you should too. I don't have time to feel bad for your hang nail. Here's another thought. I'm a chronic pain sufferer. I JUST started Vicoden...not cause it wasn't offered 50 times, but because I was scared of it. When I was scared, my Dr offered me Oxy instead. If you are on meds...and I'm not on THAT med that you're on, it's for a reason, chances are pretty damn good that unless a part of your body is actually missing, you're not in more pain than me. I don't need to hear all about the "good shit" you got that fixes all pain. Further since I'm a chronic sufferer, I can't take it. Some stuff is good for the short term, but I can't take it for the next 10 years. Please don't tell that the meds I'm on did "nothing" for you. New Flash, they aren't doing much for me either. But they are all I can take. Yes, I'm on the best shit I'm allowed for long term use! Yes, I've tried Percs and Darvacet and Ultracet, and every other "cet" you're on. Could I get more powerful drugs for my "bad days" I guess, but every day is pretty much a bad day when it comes to pain. I like to be able to function, and get to work (yeah I actually don't miss work for this!) I can't do that when I'm drooling and wearing a bib, so I have to accept that I'm in some pain. I can't take the day off everyday. Yeah I've tried cortisone shots...they didn't do crap either. I've even done acupuncture! The rules are a little different when you need to take the stuff indefinitely, in high dosages, and into infinity. I know you all mean well, but I feel shitty enough about being in pain without everyone else thinking they have all the answers. When you deal with what I deal with, and have something that works...I'm all ears. When you sprain an ankle "really bad" and have to take pain meds for a couple days...that doesn't work for me long term. My friend with Lupus likes to call and tell me all her miracle drugs. I've already done them all. They either didn't do crap for me, make me feel like I was spinning in circles and feel like I was gonna pass out at the grocery store, or put me in the ER. I used to actually research every drug people recommended and every stinking time I couldn't take it. I'll stick with what I'm on, even though it doesn't do shit thanks. Course maybe it actually helps a lot! That's even scarier...better not stop!
Honestly, I love you all, I know you are just trying to help, but if we aren't playing Dr together (and since I only play that with Mike, I know we aren't) I'll stick with what my real Dr gives me.
(P.S. the answer isn't a magical vitamin combination either!)

Friday, November 23, 2007

Little Update!

So as of Wednesday November 28th, we will have ALL our paperwork done. We'll ship off the last final documents to our social worker so she can complete the writing of the home study. In the meantime, we are scrapbooking, profile making fools. These books take a lot of time...and every freaking time I get one assembled...I find a typo. That really sucks. Anyway, by the end of next week, we shuld be mailing out several books, and we expect to match sometime in the next 4 weeks to 3 months. It could be longer, it could be shorter. After our match, we'll likely have about 2 months to go till delivery. We are really hoping for a delivery in the early part of 2008.
The other birth mother we submitted on has decided two things. She want's an African American Couple, or at least a biracial couple. That's fine, that is totally her choice. She also decided that since they couldn't find any of those (AA and bi-racial couples have almost no wait time to match, unless they are gender specific because they are in high demand) she wasn't going to choose at all. If the baby is born, and they still haven't found a couple that she likes, she will let the agency choose. We'll just have to wait it out I guess...we could be matched by the time she has that baby....
AND we thought of another girls name we like, but no middle name yet.
I love it :)

Thursday, November 8, 2007

E-mailed Our Profile

It wasn't perfect, we didn't have as many pictures as I would have liked and we had to keep it about 5 pages...but we sent it by e-mail this AM. If they decided we can submit, the expectant mother will view profiles tomorrow. We have no idea if we'll hear anything back either way. If it's the right match, she'll love us even without all the other stuff...
Keep us in your thoughts

Wednesday, November 7, 2007


Not the fire kind...the kind that really matter in our life right now. The kind with an expectant mother.
So I have a line on one...we'll see since there are some complications regarding religion. They seem to have a misunderstand when they say Christian Couple. That actually does include us. Christian Science, is actually Christian...but they won't work with Christian Science, Morman, or Jehovah Witness. I can see the other two aren't Christian. Christian actually Christian though, AND it's not even how we're planning to raise our children. It's like splitting hairs at this point.
But I push the issue anyway. It's a great situation. We will encourage everyone not to get excited. There is ever chance I'll post 1,000 of these before I ever post that it's THE match. Anyway, here are the basics, so you all can see what kind of info we get.
Black American expectant mother due Jan 18. This is her 6th pregnancy, she typically delivers at 36-38 weeks. She smokes less than 1/2 pack a day. No drugs or alcohol. Looking for pictures and letters after the birth, maybe one meeting before. She's in a very adoption friendly state. Fees come in at about 1/2 of our max adoption budget (very low). They want profiles by Thursday at 6pm, which we don't have yet, and haven't heard yet if we're good enough anyway. It's not looking good for this one...If we don't "pass" this expectant mother will be given only 2 Traditional Couples to choose from (her request) but they will also give her one single parent, even though that isn't her preference.
We'll wait and see :)

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Final Home Study!!!

Well, of course everything went fine! We had my grandmother and cousin over yesterday to help us clean and pick up and a close friend also came over to help us with a section of drywall that we really wanted up. It wouldn't have mattered. Our home, though under construction, is ready for a baby. She asked basic questions about the home, neighborhood, and town; then looked over the rooms...DONE! Mike had his individual appointment as well, and opps...those little issues he had over 10 years ago were on his CORI. Driving to Endanger (speeding when he first got his license) and a property destruction or something. Smashing up a radio on a tennis court with a friend. It was his friend's radio too, but I guess they said there was damage to the tennis court. It was all continued without a finding, but he had to write a little paragraph on both anyway, since it was on his CORI report. Be good kids...that stuff comes back to haunt you. Mike is such a "bad boy" right???
So now we just have to do all our paperwork. I am off tomorrow, so I'm going to track down at least HOW to get our birth certificates, and social security cards. We aren't to sure where they are since the move. We both were born pretty local to where we live now though, so going to get the birth certificates isn't a big deal. SS cards might take longer...we'll have to see. Other than that, we have autobiographical statements to write. Mine is almost done. We have a little more writing to do on the profile, and then we need to get some assembled. Erina is going to help me out with that I think.
It's moving. Our official, we'll accept a "match due after date" is December 15th. At that point I can travel without effecting work too much, so it would be a go. IF we found an expectant mom due ON Dec 15, we could have the baby home by Christmas, but the chances of that...pretty slim. We'll take the right match, over a match we would have by Christmas.
Take Care everyone, as always...thank you so much for all your overwhelming support! We need every bit of it!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Newer, Improved(-er), and Sooner "Final" homestudy date

So as I've said before, our Social Worker has a lot going one. We also, have a lot going on. Needless to say, she had to change the final visit again, we could either put it off, or take this Sunday at noon. We took this Sunday, even though we were planning for this whole weekend to be the final big cleaning and repairing weekend, it looks like we'll work on what we can all day Saturday, and just have someone come in and clean on Saturday evening. It's totally cheating, and I don't even care. I love having other people clean my house. They clean like they really's awesome. So we'll do all the organizing, and touch up repairs (you know, covering those still open walls where electrical work was done) and then they can come in, and do all the floors, counters, tables, the bathroom, and whatever else I want to put on the list. It's awesome! Sunday AM, we'll wake up and go out for Breakfast.
Calls to see how it went are more than welcome after 4 on Sunday, and that's if I can't update here as soon as it's over. After Sunday it's all over! Well it's all over except getting ALL our financial papers (all our CC, loans, mortgage, employer statements, tax returns, checking and savings account statements, and Mike's employee profit sharing statement) and getting our Dr's appointments and health statements, making sure all our reference's returned their forms, waiting for our background checks (one for criminal, and one for child abuse/sexual abuse) After all that comes back, she can write our home study. While all that is coming back, we'll have to work on making multiple copies of our profile, which isn't even all written yet (yeah I need a rough copy of that for Sunday too...easy peasie right?)
We decided to pass on the birth mother in Ohio, she was due in November and on one hand it's like, oh neat we could be chosen by a Birth mom, and have a baby for the holidays, and on the other hand it's like
In the long run, it will be a placement that is that fast, or faster...most likely. They only allow Black American Mom's to make birth plans very close to, or after their are due. So it could be even faster. That is scary shit. End to End on this jounrey we are looking at about 6-7 months. Most mom's get more time than that!
As always keep us in your thoughts, or prayers...whatever you're up for! We are friends with a couple, and we were visiting them the other night, and she told me she prays for me every night. It blew me away that anyone else thinks about what we are going through as much as I do...Thanks so much for all the support!