Monday, December 27, 2010

Happy End of 2010

Near the end of pretty much anything I get emotional. We move, I cry, we end a year, I cry...a lot. I know we have so many memories of this past year that are wonderful. Parts of the year were rough no doubt. We found out about Matty's Chairi Malformation, I accepted and moved forward with the fact Tyler would be heading to a special needs classroom for preschool. At the start of this year, Matty wasn't even WALKING. That doesn't seem possible when I look at the overwhelming mobile, intense, active little man that he is now. Tyler was about to turn 2, and barely speaking. Today he climbed up on the bed and said, "What doin' Momma? Wanna go a Y?" (YMCA for swimming) As much as I enjoy the passing of the milestones, and each new phase, I could as easily smile as I could cry when he stands before the big boy potty and proudly pees straight in while smiling up at me in all his glory. I do enjoy each moment as much as I can. I work hard to remember that each passing moment is one I can never get back. Each detail and funny phrase or look will someday be missed even if right now it borders on fresh or a little sassy mouthed. I love their humor, their independence, and the self esteem that never falters. At the end of this year, over all, I am very proud. I am proud of myself and my husband. I'm proud of the toddlers we're raising into confident, humorous, sensitive, and caring young boys. I wish it would go slower, but it doesn't. I wish I could remember every SINGLE detail, but I know I can't. I could spend hours recording the little things I know that time will make me forget. Instead, I cozy up with my boys and enjoy watching them master eating ice cream with a spoon, or work their Dad over for a bite of chocolate. I love these days when there is nothing but time to enjoy my kids. Here's to 2011...365 more days laid out before me to watch my children, and my love for them...grow.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Reckoning Day...

So you didn't all think I'd post that bomb of a blog two posts ago and never go back to it did you? Of course not!

Let me first say, I'm calmer now...a lot calmer, but still emotional. I want to thank the people who did send me e-mails in support, and tell the few people who tried to criticize anonymously...that's weak. I'm right here, I'm right out in the open, saying what I'm saying. I use my name, my kids names, and I link to this blog from other sites where people know me very well. If you don't feel strongly enough about something stand up and put your name next to it, don't say it. That's weak.

Next let me say the field seemed pretty split on this one. I got a few comments from adoptive mothers who didn't care for what I said, and I got a few comments from birth mother who didn't like what I said. I clearly didn't get comments from everyone who read the blog, but there MUST have been talk about it out there because the blog counts spiked through the roof. Regardless of how you ended up there, thanks for reading. Thanks for commenting, even if you didn't agree, and thanks for letting me know you supported me when you did.

Second, I want to assure all of you that know exactly why I posted this that you don't know. This has maybe a LITTLE to do with what you think it does, and much to do with things that I have shared with almost no one. (Although a few of the people who did stop to make contact with me about this post did get a small preview when I responded) This is my blog, and I'm allowed to feel how I feel, based on my life. So that's what I do. I'm not required to write here WHY I feel that way. Why I feel that way is to personal for even here. Maybe if *I* was anonymous I could write that all out. What I did expect was for the people that read here that do know me to understand there was a reason why I feel this way. Believe it had nearly ZERO to do with what anyone on-line said. So if you're patting yourself on the back, thinking you know me well enough to know exactly what this is about, and then you are judging me, you don't know me. You should know me well enough to know that I have reasons. I'm a patient and kind person. If you know that and believe it, then you know what it took for me to write that blog, and that I didn't get that worked up about what people that I don't know said on-line. That's all I'll say about that, and if you followed all the knows and don't knows in that paragraph, you get a gold star.

I will address the "all inclusive" nature of my post. THAT WAS A JOKE PEOPLE! I thought those of you that think you "know" me would get that. It's just about my trademark line isn't it? I don't like all inclusive phrases? People should learn to use a qualifier or two like some or many? One of my hugest pet peeves is being all included in ANY group, but especially in a group that gets a bad rap. Adoptive parents get a bad rap. We never provide updates, we go against our agreements, we're coercive, and we're conniving, we don't care about birth parents, we only want to steal babies. It's all inclusive, all day when it comes to describing adoptive parents and that never seems to change. So I did that the other way...again, if you KNOW me, you get that I was not talking about every birth parent that has walked the face of the earth here in that blog post. I'm not even sure I was talking about MANY birth parents, but I sure the hell was talking about some of them.

Next if you have an issue with what I write, why don't you try addressing it HERE...with me, instead of running to another group of people who will pat you on the back and tell you there there? Nothing was ever solved from only talking to people who agree with you. You can comment on any of my posts and give me a way to contact you. All comments come to me first for approval, so your contact information will not be public. Next time, feel free to message me. You might just get to know me. Thanks again to all the people who did. I didn't post a lot of your comments, but they were truly appreciated.