Sunday, March 2, 2008

We three....

So now that we're a family, we clearly needed new vehicles...two of them? I don't Mike got a new Honda Element (I'm so jealous, it's wicked cool) and I got the "Mom" car. A new Honda Pilot...not shabby to say the least, but at the same time, not quite as cool as Mike's, but WAY cooler than the minivan.

Tyler and Mike are both doing great. Mike is getting stronger everyday, but he still naps sometimes. Both boys are napping now actually. Ty is getting so much bigger. I know how fast the time will fly, so I'm not at all anxious for each milestone. I'll be happy when they get here, but they can wait a month or so. We have heard from Ty's birth mom a few times since we've been home. It sounds like they are getting the counseling they need, and that with the help of the social worker will tell the older children about Tyler. They had no idea that their mom was pregnant or anything. I do not know when they plan to tell the rest of their family, but my guess is that once a 5 and 6 year old know something, it's really not a secret anymore. She did ask me to send her a picture of Mike, Ty and I together so she would have something to show them visually. We made sure to include that in the photos we just mailed along with a letter about what Ty has been up to, and how much he weighs etc. It's hard writing a letter to your child's birth parents. What do you say? How can I explain how amazing having Ty in our lives is and how much we cherish each smile and squeak without sounding like a jerk? I believe she does want to hear all about him, so I tell her. I know reading it may make it more difficult for her, but it will also give her some peace.

Everyone expected us to have a hard time since we were adopting transracially. To be honest, I'm sure at SOME point that will be tough. We've gotten looks already. What is the hardest is the terminology and casual conversation with people I care about. Terminology is so hard. To hear my own parents or friends refer to Ty's "parents" and what they do for work, and what their situation is in life. WE are Ty's parents. Do I correct EVERYONE? Do I just hope the discussion regarding birth parents will die down and I won't have to hear about and answer questions about Ty's "mother"? I'm Ty's mother...right? How can people not see that and understand? Typically I do try to answer back and use the term birth mom, and some people pick that up and grasp it. I know they mean no harm, I know they just want to support us. Hopefully with time, and education, people will get it more.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog and I love it! My husband and I live in Florida and we are just beginning the adoption process. We are finished with all of the paperwork (I hope..) and actually have our home study scheduled for later this week. We painted our "old" office, which is the "new" nursery...just to be ready. We pray and pray everyday that this works out. Your blog is inspirational and exciting! Good luck!

Elise C.