Things Cruise Along...Kids Get Bigger...

I wish for more babies. It seems an endless cycle. I'm like a child that bores of a puppy once it's no longer cute. Okay...not bored...not that...just...complacent. No one NEEDS ME. Not in the primal way. I think my kids could gladly make it a whole day and scrounge for food if they needed to. They certainly seem happy enough to roam the garden and eat tomatoes that I haven't yet cut up, or to grab a kitchen chair and drag it over so they can eat an apple. Tyler will even pull Roomba to the middle of the carpet and start her up. What do they need me for? The occasional dirty diaper that they could careless if I changed anyway? I need babies damn it. Little tiny babies that cry in need of a burp and a bottle warmed just so. Little bitty with legs all frogged up inside a sleeper gown, and tiny, itsy bitsy eyes that will pop awake if I even think about moving when they are sleeping on my chest. The last thing that slept on my chest was a 25 pound Corgi and he snores like a lumber jack. I want to SWADDLE things and make little burritos out of a sleeping baby and a stretchy blanket. I want a little tiny nose almost hidden by a huge pacifier. I want little match sized fingers topped by razor blades ready to tear my face to shreds if I don't rock them just right. I want that. Really.

Instead I got a job. Just weekends at the farm up the street to help them out in their farm store during the apple harvest. I love this farm and spend a lot of time there with the boys anyway, so why not? If I want more babies, that means more money in one way or another. Lots more money most likely, so I guess instead of all the little tiny things I wish were in my home, I'll focus on all the BIG things that have to get done before we can get the little things. Which is actually quite opposite of the way most things work. We need house stuff done, and bills paid off, and to build our savings back up a little more. We need a lot of house stuff done. I don't know if it will ALL happen before we think about adding on to the family again, but some of it needs to. We at least need to figure out the answers to what we're doing with the house before we add on to the family. I would like to rip down the single story part and replace it with a 2 story part. Whether that's feasible financially or not, we'll have to see. I could be quite happy here if we did that though!

Right now I need to get a grip...on laundry and a bunch of other things that are right here and right now. How we always have so much laundry, I'll never be able to figure out. I think my children contribute, but honestly I don't ever seem to run out of their clothes. Mike always needs clothes so the majority MUST be his...but he swears he's going to wash all his work clothes himself. I don't think that ever really happens though. I wonder how many loads of laundry I would have to do per day to stay caught up...you know once I catch up. I would think if I did a load of laundry a day that would be enough. It seems so simple! One load per day for a family of 4 and we wouldn't have mountains build up. But it does. It always does. Ugg...

Fun for today: Mike in the living room with both boys.

Mike: Tyler, don't take your clothes off.
Tyler: Jargoning away and I can't understand anything about it. He might be saying something about ice cream...or the dogs?
Mike: Tyler! I asked you to leave your clothes on!
Tyler: Help! Dadda, Help!
Mike: No Tyler...no, I won't help you take your pants off. I've asked you to leave your clothes on.
Tyler: Help? Dadda? Momma? Help?

I go in. He's down to a diaper. Matty is running into the wall cause he has Ty's shirt over his face. That's my life.

Thirty-five pounds of Apples, three dogs, and a rainy day

Today was a really busy day. I made a trip up to Biddeford, ME (about an hour away) with Tyler. While I did that Mike went to Home Depot, and bought grout sealer for the laundry room, then to our local orchard and picked up the two bushels of apples we reserved, and came home. He sealed the floor and finished up just about as I got back home. We started working on one bushel of apples. 35+ pounds of apple per bushel. We currently have a turkey fryer sized pot on the stove full of apples cooking down into applesauce. We also have another 35+ pounds worth of apples sitting in our living room and I have no idea what to do next. I'm thinking spiced apple rings, or wedges, or maybe some cranberry apple relish.

Chopping, and coring 35 pounds of apples is not easy, or fast...especially when you are trying to do it while dodging three dogs that have glued themselves to your feet trying to catch every crumb that hits the floor. After almost tripping over them twice, I put a chair, and the trash can, blocking them out of the part of the kitchen I was in. Dewey...the little brat that he is, realized he could fit under the chair. So after he did that a couple times, I blocked off that\ bottom part of the chair with a laundry basket turned on it it's side. Mike and I were able to work in relative peace for about 20 minutes. Then all the sudden there was a huge commotion and the laundry basket was hopping across the kitchen floor with a panicked Dewey trapped under it. Mike and I were laugh so hard, we never even managed to make it over there to help him get out...he just kept jumping trying to run away from the laundry basket and it kept following him of course, but eventually it fell off. So funny. At that point he was so embarrassed that he didn't come back over near us for a while.

I have to say, I'm pretty impressed with us. We even broke out the juicer and juiced the cores and it was enough apple juice for us each to have a glass (so yummy) and to put some juice in with the apples so they wouldn't burn. then I took all the juice gunk and put that in a pot with some water and I'm cooking it down. I think I'm going to strain it with cheese cloth, and see if I can use one of my pectin packets and add some sugar to make apple jelly out of it. If I can reduce the amount of waste on 35 pounds of apples to the size of grapefruit, I'll be happy :)

I'm going to re-can the peaches from two years ago too. I'm thinking about making a peach chutney with it and canning that. We just haven't eaten up those peach halves like I thought we would. They are still yummy, but I want to put them in something we'll use more.

Adoption

I think I speak Adoption language in my sleep. Birth mother, revocation, living expenses...it's our whole freaking life. At least I thought so? For some reason whenever there is an immediate decision to make, Mike is missing. Today I get another call (YIKES! A CALL!) from our agency out in Utah. This is an agency that I almost called to have a temper tantrum at last night. Thankfully (maybe) I didn't...that's a long story filled with nights were Mike and I are up till 4, getting up at 7 and over-nighting packages (at $30 each). It was a crazy time, and I'm intensely grateful that for right now, it's behind us, so I'll not comment on what I was going to tantrum about to them last night. Anyway, today...they call. They call my WORK. They call my work without even trying my cell phone. That shows intense urgency. So I listen...urgently...if that's possible. She says...We have a birth mom. In. Labor. Now. (!these are killer situations....no stress right?!) Would you like to hear about it? SURE! Never mind your typing up the main line at work, and my boss is shooting daggers at my head with his eyes. I want to hear now. So I get all the details and it all sounds good. Everything sounds good! So she asks if I want to talk it over with Mike and call her back. Call her back about the expectant mother that's "in a good labor pattern now, and I'm on my way over in 5 minutes to give her the profiles" . She thinks I'm going to risk calling her back when never in the time I've known her, have I ever called her cell phone and had her actually answer? Last night her cell phone actually wouldn't even accept anymore messages! I'm not letting her off the phone. BUT, Mike is not on-line for immediate comment so I joke with her that he doesn't really need to comment, and I tell her to go ahead. All the while the little voice in the back of my head is saying...but...but...THIS is the agency that is 2X as much as the others...but...but...this is the agency you don't really like....in the state with laws you don't really agree with....this is THAT agency Amy. I tell the little voice to shut the F up. This mom is in labor!

Details anyone?

Full African American Baby BOY! expected to be around 10 pounds (what could we ever bring her to thank her for going through THAT??) This is her 5th baby, all with the same man, who is also at the hospital and willing to sign the adoption papers. (that doesn't happen often)

She wants a semi open adoption with pictures and letters after the adoption. She is from FL, and is freezing her butt of at the agency which is located in state that is colder than the North Pole right now apparently.

Here's why I'm *trying* not to get my hopes up:

1) This expectant mom is petite (about 5'4) and slender (when she's not carrying a 10pound baby I guess) so I tend to think that she won't really be draw to us "huskier" folks. Then again, she's carrying a freaking 10 POUND baby...I guess there is a chance that the expectant father isn't as petite.

2) She is freezing her butt off...is she really going to be inclined to place her baby in MA, where the baby can freeze IT'S butt off 5 months of every year? I had always hoped that people that lived in warm climates might be drawn to us because we have snow and maybe they idealized snow. Clearly this woman is not idealizing anything about the cold right now.

3) We are...WHITE...she and the expectant father aren't. If there are any African American or even Bi-Racial Couple also being submitted, there is a good chance she will choose them. It's just the way it works. We did demonstrate our diversity in our families in our profile, so hopefully she will see that.

4) Our house looks pretty ghetto on the outside. I don't think anyone looks at the picture of our house and thinks how cute it is really. Plus she lives in FL...cost of living is so much lower down there that she has no idea what a house like we have actually cost us. I bet she looks at our house and wants to keep her baby.

I haven't spent all day thinking about this...really! I haven't. I didn't get the call till lunch-time.

If this is our baby, he will find us. If it isn't...we are submitted on 4 other situations right now too. Hopefully one of those will work out. Pray for our sanity...mine anyway....

Happy New Year!

Life cruises on...
We heard about another potential situation. Expectant Mother due Jan 23, but already having contractions. Our only sticking point is she is in PA. I personally don't have anything against PA, but their adoption laws are right on the edge of being "ok" with us. Actually they are way beyond what we initally considered, but the more I learn about adoption, the farther I lean. In PA, the mother gets 30 days after signing TPR (termination of parental rights) to change her mind. THIRTY FREAKING DAYS. Georgia is 10 days. We're with an agency in Georgia and we decided 10 days we could handle. Actually, I liked 10 days. I honestly believe that we need to find the right baby to find us, not just any baby. I want to add a baby to this family that comes from a birth mother who is confident in her choice. I don't want to attempt to have an open adoption with a birth mother who regrets her choice only days after signing consents. Thirty days though...that's a long time to wait to be sure. That's 30 days of bonding, and 30 nights of feedings. That's 30 days out of work, with no pay. That's 30 days, where on day 29 she can decided to come get the baby from us. That is really, really scarey. We decided we would agree to be considered on a few conditions. We want to know everything we possible can about this expectant mother, her family, her living situation, and the birth father. We need to know what happens if she does disrupt 15, or 20 or 29 days in. It's scarey, and we'll just have to see....

No new news on our bricks. Mike did take the brick hearth out of the long back room though...you know the room that is shaped like a bowling alley? We're finally going to split that in half, and make the laundry room. I NEED a laundry room if we are going to have an infant. The room is about 8X25, so we'll end up with about and 8X10 laundry room, and then an 8X15 "Den", bascially a dog room/office. We'll keep our computers in there, and the dog kennels. I just can not wait for my laundry room. We have the washer and dryer....I just can't wait to have them next to each other....a novel idea, I know.

Speaking of the dogs, they are all doing pretty well. Dudley is still really slowing down. He's got arthritis like his Mum :) I try to help him out as much as I can. I have so much empathy for him as he walks all stiff legged around the house, or when it take 3 tries for him to stand up from a sit. We have him on Condroitin/MSM stuff, and it has helped, it's just the weather partly I think. He's feeling it, just like I am...

Last night (New Year's) we had planned for a really quiet night in alone. Then my sister got sick and my brother-in-law (Brad) wanted something to do with the 2 girls so he came over. It was great to see them. Bridget and I watched Dora for a while, and then Brielle and I spent some quality time blowing raspberries. She loves it when I blow raspberried right inside her open mouth. It's like a messy little baby kiss...you know how they always kiss with their mouths open first :) She's such a cute, happy little girl. Well not so much when she's in her carrier, she doesn't really love that, but otherwise, she's very happy :) Since we were having people over, we called to invite Rob, Rachel and their son Simon. Brad and the girls went out the door just as Rob and Rachel came in. The stayed for a while and then Mike and I watched 8 Crazy Nights (Adam Sandler). We paused it when the ball dropped and open a bottle of Champagne. Since we realized we weren't going to drink it all we walked next door in our slippers to share with the neighbors. Stayed over their and chatted for about an hour. It's always nice to catch up with your neighbors at midnight while we're all in our PJ's....that's just how we roll though!

Mike is making chili today...it's smells so great. I think we're going to have a roast for dinner, if I ever get out of bed. More snow today, so I'm pretty sore. So far the Orencia infusions are helping, but it's not the immediate wonder drug that the TNF Alpha Blockers were. This seems to take a lot longer to build up and give me relief.