My first new blog post!

Well I'm not crazy about the blogging aspects of myspace, so I thought I would give a new method a shot since I do enjoy blogging :) I'll hope to get on most days, but since life is busy, but not really that interesting...I can't promise that.

Case in point, our interesting topic for today is bricks...no really, it's bricks! More specifically a score of bricks from a chimney being taken off a house over 100 years old. We recently took down the extra chimeny off our own house, and saved all our bricks to add a patio on the side of the house, with these extra bricks, hopefully we'll have enough! We're going to reclaim part of the back yard from the dogs, and make the patio run the whole length of that side. Hopefully there will be enought room for a few lines of clothesline to hang out some clothes, but we'll have to see...

So YEAH! Bricks :)

Nothing new on the adoption front, right now we are submitted on two situations, one boy, due Feb 15th, and one girl, who was due today. We haven't heard 'no' on the one due today, so we'll keep hoping. That expectant mother is due in a state with a 10 day revocation period, so those agencies do tend to notify the choosen family after the baby is born...We'll just have to see! We went over to Erina and Brad's tonight though, and she helped me bang out 6 more profiles so we can get them mailed. Those things are so time consuming! We are sending 8 to an agency in Ohio since we heard they have an extremely low pool of families accepting infants that are not Caucasian. I guess they did 5 infant placements about a week ago that were all African American, so their pool is even lower....sounds good to us :)

Well make sure we let you all know as soon as we hear more on any of the potential situations!

Home Study!!!

We got it! We have our home study in hand, finalized and ready to go!!! Now we can actually start contemplating the "fax us your home study right away" situations...there was just one we had to turn down in PA...and already born, parental right terminated, peanut of a baby girl...under 5 pounds!!! She was Caucasian though so I knew they would have tons of applications for her, and I didn't feel bad about saying we had to pass...Our baby will find us when the time is right :) Just wanted you all to know!!

Random updates...for all those that are afraid to continually ask us...

Well, it's Saturday, a day I typically love, but for some random reason I'm feeling crappy today and really sore...after several pretty good days pain wise, a crappy one always hits a little harder. On the medical home front I was approved for the infusions I needed. I was under the impression that they would be every 4 weeks right from the start..a point I was sadly mistaken on. EVERY other medication I've taken that had to be shot up or infused also had a loading period, so I don't even really know why I so readily thought this one would be different, but I did. Thankfully the loading period is only a month. I need to get the infusions 3X in the first 4 weeks. I wish I could say there was an upside to that and describe how positive my first infusion went but I really can't.
Obviously after my last visit to the wonderful Lawrence General where they generally screwed me over and tried to kill me, I was slightly more nervous than I would typically allow myself to be for this infusion. When I walked in and realized my my nurse this time was Ms. Stabby McStabber, I don't believe in monitoring a patient herself, I was even less thrilled. It's difficult to explain to her why I'm nervous, without detailing how I hold her at fault as to why I'm so darn nervous. The fact she recalls my last visit, and can't remember me being "so nervous" almost makes me laugh. Almost. I try to gently request that she not put the IV on the part of my wrist that bends. That not only hurts, but it means I can't bend my wrist the whole time the IV is in. She says that's fine, she can put it further down on my hand...I recount to her (in my nervous, I think this lady going to kill me, chattery voice) how the phlebotomist (needle sticker) at Anna Jauques, when I went to the ER after you last tried to kill me, well, she told me that the further up your arm you go, the more it hurts...asked if she thought that was true. She acts like she's not really listening as she wipes my hand down and gets out her buzz saw...I mean needle. So she sticks it in my hand...I might add I've had MULTIPLE Iv's in each hand, on the top, the exact spot she's putting it in. Never even remotely had an issue...I don't know maybe all those other IV's weakened the vessels there....Anyway, she give the standard little pinch bullshit, and says she's in and switches over to add the saline block that they hook the IV too...then she curses...yeah, curses. I think that maybe somewhere in the training a nurse goes through, and then in the additional training they get when they learn to give Iv's someone maybe should have mentioned to this nitwit that you shouldn't curse like you've just majorly fucked up your patients hand. But she does and she was actually right, she had majorly fucked up! She follows her curse with the phrase, I blew out the vein. Great. Fantastic. That is such super news. So now not only has she ripped the tube out and is holding my hand in a death grip with some gauze, but she acts like it's not big deal she's going to have to do this again. Let's just explain this. I have excellent veins, amazing I've been told. I could not even begin to estimate how many IV's, and blood draws I've endured in my life. Thousands...many, many thousands. It goes with the territory as anyone with a chronic illness can tell you. Doctors figgin love to stick the people that are already sick...like we don't have enough going on already. Anyway, my veins are so freaking amazing that once I had a blood sucking lady ask me if the brand new, never drawn on a real person before newbie blood sucker could draw off me. I said sure, and even THAT lady had no problem. I have never had anyone miss and have to try again. I've had comments people could draw my blood with their eyes closed...I've just never encouraged them to try. So this is the first lady who has ever screwed up and somehow, I'm just not surprised. So she finally tapes up the blown vein and tries to explain to me how it was a "bad vein" that I ASKED (?) her to use. She decides she wants to tap right into one of the huge veins on the underside of my forearm. I've never had to have an IV there, cause everyone else was always been competent enough to put it in on my hand, but okay lady...whatever you need. I'm then so white she asks I want the other nurse to do it. Well NOW you tell me there is another nurse? I tell her to please just do, I'm not getting any less nervous. I also tell her that she's only getting one more shot, and then we'll have to reschedule. Thankfully she gets it in. Anyway, the infusion only took 30 minutes, but I had to stay for 30 minutes after it was done to be monitored. First of all, she didn't monitor me the whole time I was there. They never took my temperature even once, despite the fact that last time I had a reaction, I presented my first symptom as a temperature...go figure. They took my blood pressure ONCE, when I got there. Then after the 30 minutes, she asked me, "How do you feel?" No vitals, nothing...didn't even come all the way into the room. That's a great question given I told you last time I left here even though I felt like crap, cause I thought it was the Benadryl. SO what makes you think that if I was reacting again, I wouldn't just leave. She's a moron. She's also the main night nurse so I get to see her 2X time in the next 4 weeks, and then once a month. I wonder if I should get her a Christmas Present?
In other medical news I'm friggin dizzy all the time. I have no idea if it is a side effect for me of the Orencia, or if it is the fact I've stopped taking the Vicoden. Hopefully it's the vicoden and it will go away, cause if it's the Orencia, I'll cry.
Things are quiet on the adoption front...TOO quiet. We're submitted on FIVE expectant mother right now, who were all show profiles last week. Two are due (one will be induced) on Dec 20th, one the 29th, one in Jan 15th, and one Jan 24th. Apparently there is NO news on any of them. Maybe it's just me, but would these women want to know their plan? I don't get it. I'm going crazy, and I'm driving our referral service crazy too (she found us 4 of the situations)
So here it is, Mid-December, and we aren't sure what's going on yet. I wanted to be flying out today to go get a baby...hopefully soon though...
We just keep praying that the right baby will find us...

It's December...

and everyone that knows me, KNOWS that I am MRS. CHRISTMAS...which is actually funny, cause Mike's family has always called him Big Christmas, and they refer to "our" baby as Little Christmas. We should just changed our last name or something :)
Any hoo...This year hasn't been quite as lively as others...we have a tree up, but it's not decorated, I've done a bunch of shopping but it's not wrapped...that kind of thing. We are just so damn busy! AND STRESSED! I've always been a "high stress" kind of person. Usually I create most of it, and to be honest, I handle it pretty well. Not lately...nothing like putting the rest of your life and family into other peoples hands to create a little REAL stress. Stress like no one else understands unless you've been here. Stress that's doing more than making me have my usual crying jags (I still swear those are HEALTHY! Crying releases stress hormones), but actually has me screaming, swearing, crying, and screaming and swearing some more. It has us up late at night using paper cutters and searching for how early Staples opens. It has us going to be at 2 and setting our alarms for an earlier wake up than normal...Craziness...
So my goal was to have all the paperwork into the social worker so we could review our homestudy by December 1st. Then since Mike's Dr didn't bother to ask if we were adopting international or domestic, we got to wait while Mike had an HIV and TB test (only required for international adoption)...he's all set by the way...So all the paperwork got mailed on December 4th instead...not too bad, I can totally handle that.
NOW, last night we get a phone call asking if we can please overnight our profiles to Utah for submitting to an expectant mother either Friday or Saturday. She's due Jan 24th, with a little girl. The situation sounds pretty good, so we'll just have to wait and see if this is the baby that is meant for us I guess. I'm running on almost no sleep, as is Mike...everyone bare with us as we try to get through the holidays while we also try to (some what) privately deal with all the stress this adoption rains down on us.
In further news, they THINK my medication has been approved by the insurance. They aren't sure since the insurance sent an "approval letter" that looks nothing like anything they have ever seen. It lists my approval and then lists a whole bunch of other stuff, and pre-requisites, etc etc. They don't want me to end up paying for it, so they are trying to verify this IS an approval letter. Of course no one at the insurance company has any idea what any other person at the insurance company is doing, and none of them are qualified to actually say that is an approval letter, so we have to work our way up to a supervisor in the approvals department to make sure this is an approval letter...Makes SO much sense right???
Hope you all are enjoying the holidays! Mike told me today he wants another puppy...I almost had a heart attack, and you know how I feel about puppies!

Why I am no longer sympathetic...this is not a very nice post!

Sometimes in LIFE, people get hurt...it happens. At sometime or another, it usually happens to everyone. Sometimes you stub your toes so bad you just sit on the floor and hold it, sure it's broken, or going to fall off...maybe both. Sometimes our hurts are more serious and we really do break a bone or our face or get cuts....Honestly...I really used to care about all that when it happened to other people. I even really cared about it when it happened to me. I always said I had a really low pain tolerance. I thought I was a big hose bag (oh yeah, you heard me) who was a big cry baby when she got hurt. I've now realized, that I'm not. I've now realized that living in the kinda pain I live in, take the amount of medication I take, all the while still fighting with the insurance company, the social worker, searching the net for babies and arguing with terminix (don't ask), I'm actually NOT a weak person. I now know I'm one bad ass hard nosed lady and on a typical day, it is best not to fuck with me. Let's just outline my medical experiences for today, cause today, wasn't all THAT bad. This AM, after about 5 minutes of trying I did manage to get myself outta bed all my myself. Once on the floor (wish I was kidding) I did manage to again all my myself pull myself first to my knees, then to my feet and then to actually straighten my back. Putting into word my delightful AM "stiffness" (as my Dr likes to call it...isn't that cute) is pretty hard, try to imagine one of those really super bad Charley horses...you know the kind where you've pointed your toe and your whole calf locks up and you can move, you can only roll around and scream while you grab yourself. Imagine if you will, one of those on each side of your lower back. Oh yeah, both sides, and they go from you front, where your front hip bones are, all the way straight around to your spine, and then up your spine to just below your mid back. You don't want to straighten up all the way, but dignity makes you. Then imagine what it would feel like if you dislocated your shoulder. Honestly...I wish I was joking here folks. I've only actually ever dislocated a finger...that was about one hair worse than what I feel in each shoulder...again...both of them. Then just for fun, tighten up the muscles in between your two dislocated shoulders, so your shoulders are actually pulled back like you have hyper good posture. Not done yet kids! Now imagine you actually have almost no strength in your knees, but they manage to hurt like you've hyper extended all your ligaments. And their swollen. Since we're talking about swollen, let's head on down to the feet. Your ankles are in okay shape, but your feet are so full of fluid that's accumulated while you sleep that every step feels like your legs are going to give out. 7 of your toes are so swollen they are actually purple...and square, from being pushed together for lack of room from the swelling. Square toes anyone? Didn't think so.
So after I get the door open I make the long trek that is about 12 feet to the bathroom...aka medication land. At this point, my meds are pretty boring. I'm supposed to be getting infusions at the hospital (hence the insurance fighting, going on 4 months now), but since that's not happening, I'm self medicating with the help of my physician. I drag me weary butt (on about 3 hours of sleep because I can't sleep in pain) into the bathroom and take me AM does of meds
1000mg extended release Advil, 1250mg (I think...it's 5 of them) extra strength Tylenol, 1 Vicoden, 1 Flexeril. I intentionally do not eat anything, knowing this will make me feel horrible, but will actually cut the pain quicker...I take them with one gulp of water....oh and screw the fact I'm not supposed to take any other acetaminophen with Vicoden...it's only a suggestion right?
That is at 8:10.
At 11:30 I am in so much pain I take a "booster". I call 11:30, close enough to 4 hours after my first dose, which is also close enough to 6 hours I feel, since I'm not taking a full dose...don't show a nurse...they get ALL pissy at me! I take 500mg more Advil and 1000 more Tylenol (it FEELS like the vicoden is out of my system, so it must be okay to take the not recommended Tylenol again right?)
5:15 I call my Dr, and demand she call the insurance (I demand this about 2X a week) she gets in touch with the insurance and then has to call me back. The insurance company wants to know if this is an injectable medication. The Dr. Office lady has no idea. We've been doing this for 4 months and she still has no idea what the medication is. I basically laugh at her and tell her no, I've done all the injectables...those are the ones that almost put me in respiratory failure remember? She doesn't. I cut her some slack and tell her it's an infusion, take 4 hours, and it's done where the chemo patients are...usually short stay in most hospitals. She calls back and says that even though the insurance told me 2 weeks ago that they were putting mine on "priority" and that they would have an answer in 7-10 days, it actually takes 30 days from the date they got the correct form. So I'm looking at mid December. At that point they will probably deny it and I'll get to start all over :)
5:30 I get home and take another PM dose...same dosing as the AM. I can't get up off the couch I'm in so much pain...
11:30 I take the Night Night Does which swaps out 1 Advil for 2 Advil PM....I'm sure you all can see how well those work!
This is my meds dosing...I take all that but still manage to smile and tell the Dr I'm following the rules: 2 Vicoden a day (I don't call three an addiction, I don't chew them like House or anything) 2400mg Advil (okay I'm closer to 3500, but what's a 1000mg between friends?), no Tylenol (Tylenol doesn't count! they give that shit to babies!) I'm sure all can see why I've gotten right on the blood work she wants me to do to check my liver right?
So anyway, back to my blog title. Temporarily I've discovered that I'm a real jerk about other peoples pain. I try to look on the bright side with my own shit load (I like to say...it'll never kill me, I just wish I was dead sometimes...LOL) so you should too. I don't have time to feel bad for your hang nail. Here's another thought. I'm a chronic pain sufferer. I JUST started Vicoden...not cause it wasn't offered 50 times, but because I was scared of it. When I was scared, my Dr offered me Oxy instead. If you are on meds...and I'm not on THAT med that you're on, it's for a reason, chances are pretty damn good that unless a part of your body is actually missing, you're not in more pain than me. I don't need to hear all about the "good shit" you got that fixes all pain. Further since I'm a chronic sufferer, I can't take it. Some stuff is good for the short term, but I can't take it for the next 10 years. Please don't tell that the meds I'm on did "nothing" for you. New Flash, they aren't doing much for me either. But they are all I can take. Yes, I'm on the best shit I'm allowed for long term use! Yes, I've tried Percs and Darvacet and Ultracet, and every other "cet" you're on. Could I get more powerful drugs for my "bad days" I guess, but every day is pretty much a bad day when it comes to pain. I like to be able to function, and get to work (yeah I actually don't miss work for this!) I can't do that when I'm drooling and wearing a bib, so I have to accept that I'm in some pain. I can't take the day off everyday. Yeah I've tried cortisone shots...they didn't do crap either. I've even done acupuncture! The rules are a little different when you need to take the stuff indefinitely, in high dosages, and into infinity. I know you all mean well, but I feel shitty enough about being in pain without everyone else thinking they have all the answers. When you deal with what I deal with, and have something that works...I'm all ears. When you sprain an ankle "really bad" and have to take pain meds for a couple days...that doesn't work for me long term. My friend with Lupus likes to call and tell me all her miracle drugs. I've already done them all. They either didn't do crap for me, make me feel like I was spinning in circles and feel like I was gonna pass out at the grocery store, or put me in the ER. I used to actually research every drug people recommended and every stinking time I couldn't take it. I'll stick with what I'm on, even though it doesn't do shit thanks. Course maybe it actually helps a lot! That's even scarier...better not stop!
Honestly, I love you all, I know you are just trying to help, but if we aren't playing Dr together (and since I only play that with Mike, I know we aren't) I'll stick with what my real Dr gives me.
(P.S. the answer isn't a magical vitamin combination either!)

Little Update!

So as of Wednesday November 28th, we will have ALL our paperwork done. We'll ship off the last final documents to our social worker so she can complete the writing of the home study. In the meantime, we are scrapbooking, profile making fools. These books take a lot of time...and every freaking time I get one assembled...I find a typo. That really sucks. Anyway, by the end of next week, we shuld be mailing out several books, and we expect to match sometime in the next 4 weeks to 3 months. It could be longer, it could be shorter. After our match, we'll likely have about 2 months to go till delivery. We are really hoping for a delivery in the early part of 2008.
The other birth mother we submitted on has decided two things. She want's an African American Couple, or at least a biracial couple. That's fine, that is totally her choice. She also decided that since they couldn't find any of those (AA and bi-racial couples have almost no wait time to match, unless they are gender specific because they are in high demand) she wasn't going to choose at all. If the baby is born, and they still haven't found a couple that she likes, she will let the agency choose. We'll just have to wait it out I guess...we could be matched by the time she has that baby....
AND we thought of another girls name we like, but no middle name yet.
Ella.
I love it :)

E-mailed Our Profile

It wasn't perfect, we didn't have as many pictures as I would have liked and we had to keep it about 5 pages...but we sent it by e-mail this AM. If they decided we can submit, the expectant mother will view profiles tomorrow. We have no idea if we'll hear anything back either way. If it's the right match, she'll love us even without all the other stuff...
Keep us in your thoughts